GVLIELMVS GNAPHEVS HAGIENSIS IOANNI SARTORIO AMSTELREDAMO S.D.

From: Gulielmus Gnapheus, of The Hague, to Johannes Sartorius, of Amsterdam: greetings.

Author: Cum sint, mi Sartori, hoc nostro tam docto saeculo viri egregie docti, qui omne disciplinarum genus tractent, versent et excolant, demiror poesim comicam sic iacere neglectam, sic poro intactam relinqui, tanquam res sit inimitabilis et cui opera parum utiliter collocetur. Quod ni ita habere videretur, non tam velut coniurate bonarum rerum scriptores inde temperarent manus. Laudata est comoedia Tullio ut humanae vitae speculum, celebrata est doctorum virorum calculis, sed indigne, si ipsa indigna sit, quam multi conentur vel imitari vel ad vivum exprimere. Sed indigne, si ipsa indigna sit, quam multi conentur vel imitari vel ad vivum exprimere. Habet haec aetas nostra suos Tullios et Livios, habet suos Vergilios et Demosthenes, ut Solones, Hippocrates et Chrysostomos taceam: Menandros et Terentios nullos habet. An eo fit, quia sublimior eius rei habeatur tractatio et non misi summis ingeniis digna? Errat mea quidem sententia, qui ita censeat. Nam ut comoediarum argumenta e media hominum vita petuntur, ita et tractari facile possent ob stili mediocritatem dicam an facilitatem potissimum ab iss, qui hominum ingenia, mores et vitam sic habent meditata, ut ea pro decoro queant exprimere. Porro autem ut hanc ego glaciem audax perfringerem, tentavi, quid nostra, qualiscumque tandem ea sit, Thalia daret. Argumentum delegi ex sacris, quod in comoediae formam cogi posse iudicarem, praeterquam quod hic res subinde in nimis tragicas exeat exlamatines idque praeter comicas illas leges, quas nobis tradidit Flaccus. Quod quidem crimen levius esse duxi quam a sensu et rei dignitate recedere. Malui enim pietatis respectui quam litteraturae decoro alicubi servire. Iam rem ipsam sic prosecuti sumus, sic stilum temperavimus, ut nihil habeant sycophantae, quod calumnientur, habeant autem litteratores pii, quod adfatim doceant et moneant bene. Multos novi ad hanc palaestram instructioribus animis esse, quos cupiam ad id genus studia accingere. Quo in loco et te et Gulielmum meum Niveldium habeo, ut alios praeteream mihi non perinde notos. Quare sub tuam, mi Sartori, ferulam hic noster Acolastus (sic enim illi nomen fecimus) venit: venit, ut pro meritis suis tractetur. Hoc enim onere dudm levari opto; liberum tibi facio, ut eum, quibus visum est, modis exerceas. Tam mihi non sum Maevius, tam mihi non ignosco, ut deformes catulos pro formosis tibi cupiam ostentare. Audivi quendam Reynerum Snoy medicum in eodem versatum argumento, fortasse etiam multo felicius. Id si ita est, pergratum mihi fuit, si vir ille suum poema in lucem emittat atque ipse ridicula quaedam Reyneri simia appaream; tantum abest, ut cuiusquam gloriam nedum Reyneri aut velim aut possim obscurare. Multo autem maximam gratiam initurus es vel tu vel meus Niveldius, si modo hunc decoctorem Acolastum ad veram frugem correxeris, prius quam sub aliorum oculos propinetur deridendus. Consilium mihi erat amplius in his tirociniis praeludere ad veram comoediographiam, nisi malitiosa quorundam invidia ea mihi studia invidisset, qui calumnia armati sua ludo et otio litterario me pepulerunt, exturbarunt et nescio in quae odia rapuerunt. Ut non desunt praeclaris ubique rebus suae pestes et bonis viris sui Satanae. Quod ad metri rationem attinet, illud pro licentia comica ut varium ita et liberum fecimus propterea, quod comicam phrasim conveniat ad familiarem et solutam orationem quam proxime accedere. Sapphicum carmen praeter morem iniecimus eo in loco, ubi res ita poscere videretur. Quod si iuvet comoediam hanc publice spectandum exhibere, haud male instructam in hoc fabulam eo habiturus. Quippe docebit pariter et delectabit, nisi me fallit mea philautia, maxime postquam tu eam redideris tuo dolatorio levigatiorem. Quam operam rudi et crasso operi non es negaturus, spero. Vale. Tuus Gnapheus.

Author: My dear Sartorius: I am at a loss to explain why in an age as learned as ours, in which men of outstanding ability sedulously cultivate and bring to perfection all branches of knowledge, the art of comedy should be so neglected— nay, left unattempted, as if the genre were inimitable and there were little use in bestowing pains upon it. (And surely our good writers must take this view of comedy, or they would ot behave as if they were in a conspiracy to avoid it.) Cicero has extolled it as the mirror of human life, and other learned men have heaped praises on it. But they ought not to have done so unless the genre is worthy of frequent and careful imitation. Our age has its Ciceros and Livys, its Virgils and Demosthenes, not to mention its Solons, Hippocrateses and Chrysostoms; but it has no Menanders and Terences. Is that because the writing of comedy is regarded as more exalted occupation, to which only the most elevated spirits may aspire? I cannot accept this view of the matter. For the plots of comedies are drawn from the middle state of life, and demand a corresponding style, so that it is not at all difficult for a writer who has observed and reflected upon the characters and habits of human society to render them with decorum. And therefore, since somebody had to break the ice, I have tried out my comic Muse (such as it is) to see what it might produce. I have taken from the Holy Scripture a story which I thought was suited to comic treatment — except that here and there it involves outcries more appropriate to tragedy, and thus transgresses those laws of comedy handed down to us by Horace. However, I considered it a less serious crime to defy him than to depart from the meaning and dignity of the subject matter. For I preferred to respect the claims of religion rather than to observe some principle of literary decorum. As for the style, I have been careful to give envious critics no excuse to carp; while I have handled the story in such a manner as to provide pious teachers with matter for edifying instruction. I know, of course, that there are many men far better equipped for such work than I, men whom I wish I could persuade to attempt it. I have in mind both yourself and my friend Gulielmus Niveldius, not to mention others less well known to me. Wherefore, my dear Sartorius, here is my Acolastus (for so I have named him), come to you for disciplining, come to be treated according to his deserts. For now I long to be relieved of this burden, and therefore give you a free hand with him. Use him as you think best. I am no Maevius, so blind to my own faults as to offer you an unformed cub as if it were one that had been licked into shape. I have heard that a certain Reynerus Snoy, a physician, has written something based on the same story, and perhaps with much more success than I. If that is so, I should be delighted to see the gentleman publish his work and make me appear as simply a funny little ape of Reynerus — so far am I from wishing, or indeed being able, to detract from the glory of any man, let alone Reynerus. But I should be profoundly grateful if you or my dear Niveldius would take this prodigal Acolastus and reform him, so that when he is delivered to the world he may not be a laughing-stock. My original intention had been to make this first attempt a prelude to the writing of a true comedy. But the malice and envy of certain people made them begrudge me my efforts. Stirred up by jealousy, they have driven me from my pastime, deprived me of leisure for writing and forced me into exile, and goodness knows how many enemies they have brought me. As bright things everywhere suffer from noxious vapours, so good men have their personal devils. As to metre, I have handled that with the fredom and variety which is permissible in ocmedy, since the comic style ought to approximate as nearly as possible that of familiar conversation. I have introduced a sapphic code, contrary to custom, at a point where the story seemed to demand it. If this comedy should ever be performed in public, I think you will find it not ill-suited to stage presentation. Unless I am deceived by self-ove, it will both teach and delight, especially after it has been polished by the pumice of your wit An office which I hope you will not deny a work that is still rough and crude. And so, farewell. Your friend, Gnapheus.

Actorum Nomina:

Characters in order of their appearance:

Pelargus, pater.

Pelargus, the father.

Eubulus, is patri est a consiliis.

Eubulus, his counselor.

Acolastus, filius prodigus.

Acolastus, the prodigal son.

Philautus, hic filio est a consiliis.

Philautus, the son's counselor.

Pamphagus, parasitus.

Pamphagus, a parasite.

Pantolabus, scurra.

Pantolabus, a buffoon.

Sannio, leno.

Sannio, a pimp.

Syrus, lenonis servus.

Syrus, a servant.

Bromia, lenonis ancilla.

Bromia, a maidservant to Sannio.

Lais, meretrix.

Lais, a courtesan.

Syra, Laidis pedisequa.

Syra, her maid.

Chremes, rusticus.

Chremes, a farmer.

PROLOGUS

PROLOGUE

Author: Vos nulla captet, obsecro, admiratio, quod hic videtis, optimi viri, novos in apparatu scaenico titulos, novam qui nos daturos esse fabulam arguant. Haud me latet, quanto odio vocabulum novi laboret: Verum enimvero hic novis de dogmatis ne mi quidem; paradoxa nos nullo loco dignabimur. Notum omnibus est argumentum, quod palam tractabitur, sed comicis strictum metris. Ne nescias: Evangelion nota parabola prodigi vitam recenset filii; illam scilicet nunc exprimemus ludicra actiuncula, cuius sub involucro habes mysterion.

Author: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not let the surprise you feel at the appearance of a play with a new title lead you to suppose that we are going to present a new story. We are not unaware of the hatred which some people feel towards the very name of novelty. Well, let us assure you that in this work there is not a suspicion of new doctrine: We scorn paradoxes. The argument of our play is familiar to everyone, but it is clothed in the verse of comedy. In case you have forgotten, the Gospel, in a well-known parable, tells the story of the Prodigal Son. That story we now set before you in the form of a play, within which is wrapped a mystery.

Author: Sed audio inter vos susurria nescio quae de nova impudentia et cornicibus. Sane impudens non sim, quod artem musicam tractare iudicaverim omnibus quidem licere, cuius palma vel Terentio Teste in medio sit posita. Laudi non potest non esse, quod rudes tirunculi velint virtutis edere specimen vel per iocum, ut serio ausint hostibus concurere. Tum nolo quisquam nos putet cornicibus configere oculos, quod domi nostrae recens nata actione gratiam nobis bonam venemur a vobis probatis fabulis Plauti atque item Terentii velut simul de ponte deiectis. Nihil nos, Zoile, vel dente vel livore tuo commoveris. Etenim Terentia atque etiam Plauto suas laudes ut optimis poetis stare qui nolit, meretur is quidem probra omnium. At nos poemate hoc etiamnum a follibus calente nemini suam ademptum gloriam venimus ipsi inglorii: Tantum id studet grex histricus, vobis levare nauseam, quam plurimam accepistis ex iis fabulis, quas vel panis frusto exciti quidam exhibent frequentius quam doctius, palmarium sibi pollicentes inde, quod bonas male semel atque iterum recoxerint comoedias, quibus suam scabiem adfricant illi haud minus in explicando quam exhibendo.

Author: But I hear whispering among you, something about modern impudence and teaching one's grandmother. Surely I am not impudent just because I believed that my any man has a right to try his hand at dramatic poetry. According to Terence this competition is open to everyone. It cannot be other than praiseworthy for new recruits to wish to demonstrate their skill in play, before attacking the enemy in earnest. As for the other complaint, don't let anyone persuade you that because we come to ask your approval of something we ourselves have just hatched, we think to pitch into oblivion the proven works of Plautus and Terence and try to teach our grandmothers to suck eggs. Your envy, Zoilus, and your malice have no effect on us! Truly, anyone who would deny Terence, and Plautus too, their rightful fame as the greatest of comic poets has earned the scorn of all mankind. For our part, inglorious as we are, when we bring you our poem, still hot from the forge, we do not seek to deprive any man of his glory. All that our company of actors hopes to do is overcome the repugnance you may have learned to feel towards drama because of plays written under the inspiration of hunger by authors (more prolific than skillful) who thought they were producing masterpieces when they were only rehashing good comedies to make bad imitations. And both in the writing and in the presentation of these what did they do but rub their own sores raw?

Author: Ringitur ibi nescio quis. Heus tu, quid ardent lumina? Ecquid caput motas quasi iratum admodum? Vah, an ulcus est tactum tibi? Credo, quia malum videre interminari. Sed tibi, en unguem hunc mediam! Placere enim tantum bonis studemus. Ii nunquam vitio vertent, sui quod senserint studio fieri, si non satis feliciter per omnia, sedulo tamen.

Author: Somebody's growling there. Hi you! What are you so excited about? Why that frantic shaking of your head, as if you were angry? Aha! Have I touched a sore spot? I think I must have, because you sem to be threatening me. Well, the back of my hand to you! I'm only interested in pleasing good men. They are not obsessed with finding fault, because they realize that what has been done is for their own good; and that even if it has not proved altogether successful, we have done our best.

Author: Quod restat, o spectator optime, ne grave tibi sit silentio favere litteris, dum intenditur grex noster actiunculae, quam suscipit, tibi ut operamsuam probet. Quod si placebit interim, nil amplius memineris atque debitum plausum dare.

Author: Now all that remains, ladies and gentlemen, is for you to do our play the honour of listening in dignified silence, while our company turn their attention to performing it, in order to demonstrate the pains they have taken in rehearsing it. If you are satisfied, don't forget to give them the applause they deserve.

Author: In prologo haec satis. Periocha sic habet:

Author: So much for the prologue. Now for a summary of the plot:

ARGUMENTUM COMOEDIAE.

THE STORY

Author: Duos cum haberet filios pater, abdicat iuniorem. Is a patre accepta substantia statim pergere profectus perditissimis sese applicat nebulonibus, mox alea, lascivia, luxu foede rem prodigit. Exhinc eo calamitatis incidit, ut rebus exutus siliquis et glandibus famem eximeret. Cui cum pertaesum inediae esset, paternam regreditur supplex domum. Pater reducem sibi gratulatur filium, amplectitur, sub haec epulatum provocat.

Author: A man has two sons. The younger one he disowns. The boy takes his inheritance and immediately goes abroad. There he attaches himself to some out-and-out rogues and soon he has shamefully squandered his money o ndice, wantonness and debauchery. He then falls into such poverty that for want of money he tries to satisfy his hunger with husks and acorns. When he can no longer endure starvation he returns as a suppliant to is father's house. The father rejoices in the restoration of his son, embraes him, and at once invites him to a feast.

ACTVS PRIMI SCAENA PRIMA

Act I Scene I

Pelargus: Nunc demum sentio, quanta sit felicitas et quanta quies, habuisse liberos patri per omnia obsequentes. Ego quoad pro meo animo moderarer filium annis parvulum praeterea tam bene conditum, ut nihil amplius in eo desiderare posses, tum quidem vivebam velut utramque in aurem dormiens, immo mihi plaudebam, qui gnatum haberem praeditum tali ingenio et modestia, une gaudium possem mihi polliceri perpetuum et bene stabile. At nunc, postquam detecta hypocrisi malus aperte coepit esse aeoque id institit, manu ut mea emittatur, vah, quae cogito! Quibus nunc sollicitor rebus, ne ille hinc sibi primam fenestram ad nequitiam patefecerit neve servus peccati evaserit ex libero, patris imperium lene dum male sanus abicit, id quod de ipso speraveram nunquam fore. Hoc illud est, quod vulgo consuevit frequens dici: Penuriam multo melius feras quam saturitatem. Nam illa multos continet in officio, haec vero ad proterviam meum perpellit filium, quandoquidem malid errare quolibet ex sua libidine paterno quam sinu foverier amplius. Nai ille haud scit, quam praesens sibi accersat malum. Sed quid? Sinam vero a me abire filium, quem destinaveram heredam regno meo? Id Eubulus forsan meus non suaserit, quo consule semper usus sum feliciter.

Pelargus: Only now do I appreciate the happiness, the peace of mind a father enjoys when his children are thoroughly obedient. At one time my younger son accepted my authority, and was, moreover, the best natured child I could posibly wish for. I hadn't a care in the world, as you might say. Indeed I congratulated myself on having a son of such wit and discretion that I felt confident nothing would ever disturb my happiness. But now it turns out that this was mere hypocrisy, and he stands revealed in all his naughtiness. He is actually making a strenuous effort to free himself from my authority. Oh, how my mind misgives me! I am tormented by anxiety, lest this should prove to be his first step to depravity; lest by foolishly casting off the gentle sway of his father h eshould exchange freedom for bondage to sin — something I hoped would never happen to him. Here you have an illustration of the common saying, 'Penury is better for you than plenty' For penury makes many men dutiful, but it is obvious that plenty has turned my son into a libertine. He prefers to be guided by his passions rather than enjoy the security of a father's love. Alas, he little knows the misfortune he is inviting. But the question is Should I let my son leave me, considering that I have chosen him as the heir to my kingdom? I doubt if Eubulus would recommend that, and I have always found his advice sound.

(Enter Eubulus.) (Enter Eubulus.)

Eubulus: Non possum, quod meum ingenium est, quin sedulo agam, laborem, in officio sim pro meo Pelargo, cui ceu Theseus quispiam Herculi coniunctus sum, idque ob morum similitudinem, quae ut inter nos est fer consentanea, ita mutuum amorem consiliet oportet. Hinc adeo nullum elabi diem patior, meum quin illi deferam officium. Illuc scilicet mihi iter est.

Eubulus: Being the sort of man I am, I cannot help doing all I possibly can for my friend Pelargus. Our relationship is as close as that of Theseus and Hercules, and our moral principles are so exactly alike that they are bound to foster mutual affection. The result is that I cannot let a single day pass without some act of friendship. As a matter of fact, I am on my way to see him now.

Pelargus: Cuius hic vocem audire videor? Num Eubuli? Is est ipsus, per tempus advenit. Videon te, Eubule mi, meo animo maxime nunc exspectate?

Pelargus: Do I seem to hear someone speaking? Surely it can't be Eubulus? Yes, here he is, just as the right time. Oh Eubulus, my friend, is it you? I have been longing to see you.

Eubulus: Eho, quid tam, quaeso, tristis es?

Eubulus: Well well! Why so sad, I beg?

Pelargus: Haud simplex est malum, quod me sollicitum habet.

Pelargus: I am in serious truble.

Eubulus: Quidnam est?

Eubulus: What is it?

Pelargus: Eubule mi, nihil.

Pelargus: My dear Eubulus, nothing.

Eubulus: Quin dic, quid est?

Eubulus: Come now, tell me about it

Pelargus: De filio num nam audisti?

Pelargus: Have you heard about my son?

Eubulus: Quid is studet?

Eubulus: What's he up to?

Pelargus: Alienum sese facere a patria domo.

Pelargus: He wants to exile himself from his father's home.

Eubulus: Tuusne filius?

Eubulus: Your son does?

Pelargus: Meus.

Pelargus: Yes.

Eubulus: Quid audio?

Eubulus: Can I believe my ears?

Pelargus: Minor ille natu hanc mihi movet tragoediam. Qui utinam ex me natus non esset!

Pelargus: It's the younger son of mine who is causing all the trouble. I wish he had never been born!

Eubulus: Bona verba! Sed unde istuc, quaeso, huic vneit in mentem, nisi indignis ille abs te sit tractatus modis?

Eubulus: Careful what you say! But tell me, what put such an idea into his head? Surely he must have been seduced from you by some unworthy means.

Pelargus: Immo, ne nimis dignis, vereor, Eubule.

Pelargus: Only worthy of him, Eubulus, I'm afraid.

Eubulus: Qui?

Eubulus: What do you mean?

Pelargus: Dicam. Istunc ex me natum eduxi a parvulo, habui, amavi ut meum, in eo me obiecto, illius salutem curo, nil praetermitto, ut queam prodesse. Studium omne meum illius commodo consecro. Denique velut in sinu meo eum foveo unice carum, nunquam ut meam benignitatem senserit in se claudier. Optare quicquid ausus est, habuit; meis bonis voluit frui, voluit recto epde incedere. Liberum illi factum est quolivet mentem suam inclinare, quolibet manum extendere; tantum ne rebellaret mihi, dedi mandatum, huic pareret iussi. Ubi his studiis illum mihi firmissime puto et perpetuo devinctum fore, evenit, bonae condicionis taedium ut acciperet; hinc viam occepit comminisci, qua se emancipet paterno iure. Philautus eam glaciem secat, meditatis rationibus illinc proficiscitur recta ad me. 'Heus tu, pater', inquit 'aetas quae mea sit, ipse vides. Satis sub imperio tuo egi, valet mihi iudicium, valet ingeni vigor, meas vires volo experirier. Tam grandem detineri me patris iugo inscitia est; aequales, qui sunt mei ordinis, ad unum omnes gaudent dudum repudium dedisse patribus, quorum iniustitia gravis est filiis. Per me satis sapio, nihil custodis egeo. Proinde volo, debitae substantiae mihi scribatur portio, nisi nullis legibus teneri te putas.' Haec illius erat luctuosa oratio.

Pelargus: I'll tell you. I have brought up that boy of mine, cherished him, loved him. He was my sole delight. I took care of him. I omitted nothing that would be to his benefit. All my exertions were devoted to his welfare. In short, I nourished him in my bosom, you might say, as my peculiar treasure, taking care that he should never have any reason to doubt my favor. Whatever he presumed to desire was his. Did he wish to enjoy my gifts? He could go ahead and do so. I made him free to turn his thoughts in any direction, to reach out his hand to anything — on one condition: that he should not rebel against my authority. This one command he had to obey. When I thought that by these measures I had bound him to me with his comfortable life. He has begun looking for a way of escaping his father's authority. I know who started him off on that road. It was Philautus. Armed with his arguments the young man marches up to me And he says 'Look here, father, you know how old I am. I've submitted to your authroity long enough. I have good natural talents and sound judgment. It's time I tested my own strength. Now that I've grown up, it's ridiculous to keep me under the parental yoke. All my friends and equals, to a man, boast that they have won their freedom from their fathers, whose injustice they say is burdensome. I know my way around. I don't need a keeper. So I want you to transfer to me the portion of your wealth that is lawfully mine — unless, indeed, you do not consider yourself bound by law.' These were the distressing things he said.

Eubulus: Satis superbe omnia. Quid tu ibi?

Eubulus: All pretty arrogant. What did you reply?

Pelargus: Primum velut attonitus haesi, post rmihi redditus 'Adeon', inquam, 'vel inhumanus tibi vel durus fui, ut te mea iniustitia eiciat? Otii, credo, tibi obrepsit saturitas, hinc tui te paenitet, hinc praesentis te sortis piget. Nunc vis conscribi a me substantiam tibi, nunc vertere solum vis: vide, ne, quam tibi istuc sedet cordi, tam multum incommodet! Solent enim subita consilia ducere secum comitem praesentem paenitentiam. Non desunt exempla, quibus, quod ago, comprobem, nisi, si patrem non audias, frustra audias exempla. Porro quis tam confidens fuit, qui te corumpere sit agressus? Aut male odoror aut Philautus consultor fuit. Is frigidam sufudit, strenuus quidem ile et cordatus monitor, bene si quid monet, qui te ad scopulos e tranquillo inferat. Nocens profecto pestis tis philantias malum, quod, quo magis fuco quodam suo tegis venenum, hoc est nocentius. Quam blandula siren philantias a fronte, at post senseris dulcis veneni aculeum. Longe hinc fuge, mi fili, si modo tua tibi cordi est salus!' Sic dixi.

Pelargus: At first I was too astounded to speak. When I recovered, I said 'Have I been so cruel to you, so harsh, that you feel you must flee my injustice?' I think, rather, that too much ease has been your undoing. That's what makes you dissatisfied, that's what you find irksome. So now you want me to hand over your money? You're determined to go into exile? Take care that your deep resolve doesn't land you just as deep in trouble! Sudden decisions usually bring swift regret with them. I could give you examples to prove what I say — but if you won't heed your own father I don't suppose you'll pay any attention to examples. 'But,' I went on, 'who was so shameless as to try to corrupt you? Unless I'm badly mistaken, Philautus was your advisor. He's the one who has fanned this flame. Truly an able and wise teacher. That is, if you call him a good pilot who steers you out of safe water onto the rocks! A thoroughly dangerous disease is the sin of self-love; and the more it conceals its venom with false colours the more dangerous it is. What an alluring siren Philautus is from without; but within, a deadly poison. Shun him utterly, my son, if you have any regard for your safety. That was my reply.

Eubulus: Quid? Num his ille quietus redditur?

Eubulus: Well, and didn't this calm him down?

Pelargus: Nihil minus. Immo coepit hinc magis atque magis ius suum urgere et leges bonas inclamare, quibus contendunt ephebiam transmissos solvi iure patrio.

Pelargus: On the contrary. After that he began claiming his rights more and more vehemently, and appealing to the 'admirable laws', under which those who have reached manhood demand their freedom from paternal authority.

Eubulus: Sed quius tandem verbis convenit inter vos?

Eubulus: But on what terms did you finally agree?

Pelargus: Nihil convenit. Hoc tantum respondi, me amplius super his deliberare velle. Nunc mihi quid consulis faciundum esse, Eubule optime?

Pelargus: We could not agree at all. I simply replied that I wanted more time to think about it. Now, Eubulus, best of friends, what do you advise me to do?

Eubulus: Dicam. Principio, quando obstinate fugam parat, memineris hoc vere dictum a sophois: Invitium si retineas, exire incitas. Sine eum modo suo animo obsequi, ut sibi notior paulo post redditus videat, protervia sua quo reciderit malorum. Dehinc tuas sub alas si recurrerit atque supplicem in gratiam tum admiseris, certe hinc magis tibi filium adligaveris, ac dudum fuit. Sic sentiet, quanto sit praesidio pater ei, qui vel tandem resipiscat perditus, ut tacaem, quod bonitas tua hinc evaserit longe commendatissima, si sese exserat in immerentes et facilem et piam et bonam.

Eubulus: I'll tell you. First of all, since he is obstinately bent on exile, remember this wise saying: 'He that's held against his will, more eager is to leave you still.' Just let him follow his inclination, so that presently when, with greater self-knowledge, he is restored to his senses, he may perceive evils into which his own wantonness has led him. If he then hurries back to the shelter fo your wings and you extend your grace ot him as a suppliant, be sure you will bind your son to you more tightly than ever. Thus he will realize what powerful aid is offered by his father to a fallen son who repents, even if only at the last moment; to say nothing of the fact that your goodness will come to be most deeply valued if you show that you are generous and affectionate and benign even to the undeserving.

Pelargus: Quid? Censen igitur numerandum pecuniam qua ablegetur?

Pelargus: What! Must I then give him the money with which to leave me?

Eubulus: Scilicet.

Eubulus: That's right.

Pelargus: Os durum!

Pelargus: Oh, this is too much!

Eubulus: Postulat istuc res ipsa, ratio iuraque publica. Faciundum est.

Eubulus: The situation demands it, so do reason and common justice. It must be done.

Pelargus: Quid? Non mihi ius est lasciviam illius, obsecro, retundere?

Pelargus: What! Is it not my duty, for Heaven's sake, to restrain my son's wantonness?

Eubulus: Non habes necesse pro imperio tuo omnia agere. Quin sine, abeat.

Eubulus: You ae not obliged to exert your authority in everything. Come now, let him go.

Pelargus: Quando ita vis, faciam. Magis tibi credam quam animo meo.

Pelargus: Since that is your wish, I'll do it. I have more faith in your wisdom than in my own feelings.

Eubulus: Sed heus, ne saevius gnatum tractes, tantum obiurgato amantius pariterque moneas, quid cavere oporteat periculi.

Eubulus: But look you, without being too severe with your son, rebuke him as an affectionate father should, and at the same time warn him of the dangers he must guard against.

Pelargus: Meminero; modo ad aerarium illum exspectabo, dum redeat. Quid tu interim?

Pelargus: I'll bear it in mind. Now I'll go and wait for him at my counting house. What will you do in the meantime?

Eubulus: Domum eo.

Eubulus: I shall go home.

Pelargus: Quid quod te oro?

Pelargus: What about my request?

Eubulus: Quid?

Eubulus: What is it?

Pelargus: Ut ne sit mihi te consultore diu carendum!

Pelargus: That I should not lack your advice for long!

Eubulus: Vah, quasi unquam diu carueris.

Eubulus: Bah! As if you ever did!

Pelargus: Dii boni, ut sapit Eubulus, ut prudenter consulit, ut videt omnia! Ianum bifrontem hunc vere dixeris; tam in occipitio quoque oculos multos habet. Huius consilium ut ex animo meo parum sit, fecisse tamen non pigebit forsitan. Nunc ut diei gnato dictae tempus est: rationes omnes concinnabo ad calculos.

Pelargus: Heavens, how wise Eubulus is, how intelligent his advice! As if he sees everything! You might well call him a two-headed Janus, he has so many eyes even in the back of his head. Though his advice is hardly in accord with my opinion, perhaps I shall not be sorry if I follow it. Now, since it is the time of my appointment with my son, I shall go and prepare all my accounts for an accurate reckoning.

ACTVS PRIMI SCAENA SECVNDA

Act I Scene II

(Enter Acolastus and Philautus.) (Enter Acolastus and Philautus.)

Acolastus: Me nisi animus fallit, omnia succedent bene.

Acolastus: If I'm not mistaken, everything is going to be all right.

Philautus: Sed patris vim et facundiam vereor ut fortiter feras.

Philautus: But I'm afraid you are not strong enough to withstand your father's authority and eloquence.

Acolastus: Egon? Offirmato animo meam rem agam.

Acolastus: Don't worry! I'll handle my case resolutely.

Philautus: Tantum cave, suis ne te saevis dictis protelet!

Philautus: Only be careful he doesn't rout you with harsh words.

Acolastus: Protelet? Omnia mea mihi meditata sunt; nihil formidem congredi vel cum tribus oratoribus.

Acolastus: Rout me? I have carefully weighed all my arguments and I wouldn't be afraid to try conclusiosn with three lawyers at once.

Philautus: At iam credo, satis diu rem tuam deliberasse patrem. Quid respondeat, vise!

Philautus: Now I believe your father has had enough time to make up his mind about you. Go and find out what his answer is to be.

Acolastus: Aggrediar.

Acolastus: I'll tackle him.

(He goes towards his father's counting house.) (He goes towards his father's counting house.)

Philautus: Hem, macte animo! I sane, quo tua te vocat virtus! I pede fausto!

Philautus: That's right! Go, by all means, where your valor leads you! Good luck to you!

(Aside) (Aside)

Philautus: Miror, si res ex sententia huic cesserit. Aut fallor aut repelletur, ne causam agat. Tam meas rationes omnes hic Pelargus abicit; quare cum illo fatali pugno odio.

Philautus: I'll be surprised if things turn out as he expects. Unless I'm mistaken he'll lose his case, So much does Pelargus despise my philosophy. That's why I struggle against him with deadly hate.

Acolastus: Philaute mi, heus, heus, Philaute!

Acolastus: Philautus, my friend. Hi, Philautus!

Philautus: Quis me?

Philautus: Who wants me?

Acolastus: Cor mihi salire iam incipit.

Acolastus: My heart is beginning to jump for joy.

Philautus: Hem, quidem, Acolaste?

Philautus: Indeed! Why, Acolastus?

Acolastus: Quia pater aerario adsidet suum censum supputans, ut opinor. Quippe auribus meis hausi tinnitum ad fores placide adsistens nostras.

Acolastus: Because my father is sitting in his counting house, and I believe he is reckoning up his wealth. I'm sure I caught the sound of jingling as I was softly approaching the door of our house.

Philautus: Bene est. Tu intro inrumpe ad senem, exspectabo te domi meae.

Philautus: That's fine. You attack your father. I'll wait for you at my home.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS PRIMI SCAENA TERTIA

Act I Scene III

Acolastus: Nunc quod futurum est, conligo: nunquam dabit pecuniam pater, nisi moneat prius, ut ne profundam, perdam, confringam male rem omnem, idque aget vero vultu; tum mihi timet. Sed nescit, quam surdo narrabit fabulam. Ego faciam tamen, ut pulchre respondeam illius verbis alia quam cogitem loquens, meus dum dinumeret mihi argentum senex. Sic inludendi sunt patres isti, nimis rigidi in nos iudices. Sic imperium cadit, quod vi magis quam benevolentia adserunt. Ut sim omnibus gratus pro frugi nomine, mihi quod pater inditum voluit, ex re meus Philautus aliud subdidit concinnius, Acolastus siquidem et esse et dici gaudeo. Satis adhuc cessatum est; adire eum volo.

Acolastus: I can guess what's going to happen now. My father will never give me the money without first exhorting me not to dissipate my wealth, not to squander it, not to throw it all away. And he'll do it with such a straight face! That's how little confidence he has in me. But he doesn't know to what deaf ears he will tell his fairy-tale. However, I'll take care to give polite answers, quite different from my real thoughts, until the old boy has paid me the money. That's how fathers deserve to be fooled when they rule us too sternly. That's how their authority comes to an end, when it is based on force rather than kindness. In order that I might be popular with everybody, my friend Philautus substituted for the virtuous name my father wished me to bear another, more appropriate. For I rejoice in the name and nature of Acolastus. I've delayed long enough. I'll approach him.

(He calls out) (He calls out)

Acolastus: Adsum, pater, ut, quid vel tandem respondeas, audiam.

Acolastus: Father, here I am to learn what you've finaly decided.

(Enter Pelargus) (Enter Pelargus)

Acolastus: Itane rationes studiose conficis omnes, ut portionem conscribas mihi?

Acolastus: Is it because you are going to give me my patrimony that you are so busy at your accounts?

Pelargus: Nempe ut hariolare, fili.

Pelargus: My, what a prophet you are, son!

Acolastus: Amo te plurimum et non neglexisse habeo in primis gratiam.

Acolastus: Oh thank you very much. I'm deeply grateful to you.

Pelargus: Quod o cum salute tua fiat!

Pelargus: Heaven grant it will be for your good!

Acolastus: Fiet, pater. Ne quid time! Sed obsecro, quantum dabis?

Acolastus: It will be, father. Don't worry! But tell me, how much are you going to give me?

Pelargus: Adeon tibi in pecunia est animus, nihil ut imperes isti tuae libidini? Fili, id adeo edico tibi: nisi quieveris, reducam calculum.

Pelargus: Are you so obsessed with money that you cannot restrain your eagerness? Son, I warn you: unless you keep quiet I shall change my mind.

Acolastus: Recte, pater; obsecro, perge!

Acolastus: You're right, father. Pray continue your work

Pelargus: Ut pergam, ne me obturbaris pessime, concede istorsum aliquantisper, dum te vocem.

Pelargus: So that I can contineu it without your interrupting me, just stand apart for a while until I call you.

(Exit) (Exit)

Acolastus: Faciam.

Acolastus: Certainly.

(Moves away.) (Moves away.)

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Acolastus: Hem, quid egi? Nunc male metuo miser, ne non aes omne reddat, vel quod avidior est ad rem vel quod est commotus. Ineptias hominis! Nescis tractare aegrotum animum patris, quem debebas meminisse tam inritabilem.

Acolastus: Oh my, what have I done? Now I'm very much afraid he won't hand over the money, either because he's too greedy for it himself or because I've angered him. What a fool you are, Acolastus! You have no idea how to deal with the ailing mind of a father. You ought to remember how irritable he is.

(Enter Pelargus) (Enter Pelargus)

Pelargus: Ehodum ad me, fili! Nunc utrum vis sub meo praesidio degere an peregrinari foris? Fac cordate respondeas!

Pelargus: All right, son. Come back. Now, do you wish to live under my authority or to go abroad? Think carefully before you answer!

Acolastus: Pater, foras me animus vocat.

Acolastus: Father, my heart bids me go.

Pelargus: Pravus sane. Quid, si sinas te exorari, ut maneas domi meis bonis fruiturus perpetuo? Certe patrem foris tu nusquam invenias gentium.

Pelargus: Then it is perverse indeed. But can I not persuade you to stay at home and enjoy my bounty forever? You may be sure you will never find a father out in the world.

Acolastus: Credo, pater, sed proficiscendum est, decretum stat: me feras!

Acolastus: I believe you, father, but I must be on my way! I stick to my decision. Let me go, father!

Pelargus: Non possum tam blande, mi fili, dicere, ut animum mutes?

Pelargus: Will you not change your mind, my son, no matter how gently I urge you?

Acolastus: Operam omnem ludis, pater. Potius tentabo, quid possim vel legibus, ut istuc cum tua dicma pace interim, si, quod rogo, non impetrem cum gratia.

Acolastus: Father, you're wasting your time. Rather than that, I will go to law — if I may say so witout offense — if you don't grant my request with a good grace.

Pelargus: Quando obstinate operam video te dare, meum ut tibi iugum excutias, alioqui amabile, age, non libet tecum pugnare, sed habe hanc zonam tibi: decem talentum rem tenet. Ea est substantiae tuae aequa portio.

Pelargus: Well, then, since I see you are obstinately bent on throwing off my yoke, though it is one of love, I will not oppose you. Take this money belt: it contains ten talents. That is just the portion of your fortune.

(Acolastus receives the money with signs of joy) (Acolastus receives the money with signs of joy)

Pelargus: Quid, gestis, gnate mi? Ah nescis, quid gaudeas. Crede hoc mihi, si quid unquam monui bene: Acerbius flebis, quod temere niteris. Ego saeculum hoc novi, quibus sit moribus, tum te pernovi, quo sis inenio; tuum si animum vicisti potius quam animus te, sino, ut gaudeas. Verum quoniam vieo secus te esse habitum, non possum, quin deplorem tuam stultitiam pariterque doleam te abscedere.

Pelargus: Why are you so joyful, my son? Ah, you do not know what it is you rejoice in. If ever I have given you good advice, believe this of me: The more reckless you are now, the more bitter will be your tears hereafter I know the way of the world; and I am well acquainted with your character. If you had conquered your passions, rather than being conquered by them, then I admit you might have cause to rejoice. But since I know that the situation is just the opposite, I cannot but lament your folly and at the same time grieve to see you depart.

Acolastus: Pater, obsecro, ne quid te excrucies mea causa; nullam peperero tibi aegritudinem.

Acolastus: Father, pray don't torture yourself on my account. I won't cause you any grief.

Pelargus: Utinam!

Pelargus: If only that might be true!

Acolastus: Certe, pater. Nunquid me vis?

Acolastus: Believe me, father. Have you anything further to say?

Pelargus: Puer, hem aegre propter me consistis, video pedes tibi pruriunt ardentque fugam. Sed haec prius a me si imperia capesses, multa in pectore tuo bona considebunt. Principio tuam mentem fac nullis artibus imbuas, nisi quarum in me exemplar advertis, meis item fac vivas moribus, utqui paenitendum habent nihil. Volo, tuo animo haudquaquam servias, quem praestat semper habere suspectum. Cave, devertas ad nequiora a praeceptis meis. Postremo habe hoc tibi monumentum ut regulam, ad quem mores, vitam et mentem instituas tuam. Haec sedulo verses, haec mente tractites, haec pro Cynosura quapiam limet oculus. Haec sint tibi ceu lapis Lydius, ad quem probe tete explores, ut, qui sis, noscas intime. Ab iis enim si quid vel vita vel animus deliret, peccatum id quidem esse memineris.

Pelargus: Alas, son, I see that even for my sake you can hardly stand still; your feet are itching to be gone. But if, before you leave, you will take these ocmmands to your heart, you will find they contain many blessings. First, do not accustom your mind to any practices except those in which you take me as a model. And see, moreover, that you live according to my moral principles, for they are such as leadto no repentance. I desire that you should never become the slave of your passions; it is better to always regard them with suspicion. Take care that you do not stray from my precepts into evil conduct. Finally, take this memorial as a modle on which you may pattern your behavior, your life, your thought. Study it assiduously, reflect on it, make it the star by which you steer. Let it be for you a kind of touchstone by which to test yourself, so that you may learn inwardly to know yourself. For if in any way, either in thought or deed, you should deviate from its lessons, you may be sure that you have sinned.

Acolastus: Est praeterea, quod vis?

Acolastus: Have you anything more to say?

Pelargus: Ut perpetuo bene valeas.

Pelargus: Only to wish that you may always thrive.

Acolastus: Valebis igitur, mi parens.

Acolastus: Farewell, then, father.

(Exit) (Exit)

Pelargus: Vale, vale, inquam, gnate mi, gnate, aeternum vale! Quae haec est miseria! Pro deum atque hominum fidem, itan divelli a me, quod erat carissimum! Oh, quem luctum paras, quas curas inicis patris, ipse securus nimis! Pulchre quidem tuam rem abiens stabilivisti. Sed nescis, ah nescis, serus quos exitus vesper vehat. Sane illud demiror, qui fiat, ut, mihi cum maxime peccet gnatus, nequeam tamen acerbiore in eum esse animo. Ut nunc res ferunt, utinam tam possem filii obliviscier, quam ille, o dementiam, me aversatur libens! Huc, huc calamitatis scilicet tuo, Philaute, consilio inferor. O dolor gravis!

Pelargus: Farewell. Farewell, I say, my child, farewell forever. How great is my misery! Oh God, that my dearest treasure should be torn from me like this! Oh what grief you are causing your father, what anxiety, in your over-confidence. And a pretty foundation you've laid for your own fortunes by leaving home! Ah, you little know how the day will end. I am really at a loss to explain how it is that although my son has greatly sinned against me I cannot feel more bitter towards him. Under the circumstances, I wish I could forget him as readily as he, in his folly, rejects me. Philautus, it is through your influence, I know, that I am brought to this misfortune. Oh heavy affliction!

(Exit) (Exit)

ACTVS PRIMI SCAENA QVARTA.

Act I Scene IV

(Enter Acolastus and Philautus, separately.) (Enter Acolastus and Philautus, separately.)

Acolastus: Num quis me vivit fortunatior? Num quis fortunae filius dici magis debet ex merito quam ego, cui contigere pro voto omnia?

Acolastus: Is there anyone alive more fortunate? Is there anyone who better deserves to be called the child of Fortune than I, whose every wish comes true?

Philautus: Quis hic beatum venditat sese? Hem, aurumne habes, Acolaste?

Philautus: Who's this congratulating himself? Well, Acolastus, have you got the oney?

Acolastus: Habeam, rogas? Zona vide ut tumeat.

Acolastus: Have I, you ask? Just look at this fat money belt.

Philautus: Ho, ho! Talenta quot?

Philautus: Oho! How many talents?

Acolastus: Decem.

Acolastus: Ten.

Philautus: Hui, tantamne auri vim?

Philautus: Phew! As much as that?

Acolastus: Tantam.

Acolastus: As much as that.

Philautus: Unde, quaeso te, patri ista largitas?

Philautus: What made your father so generous?

Acolastus: Quia arte tractabam virum doli ignarum.

Acolastus: The skill with which I played on his credulity.

Philautus: O lepidum caput, laudo. Praesidium forte expugnasti hodie. Quid restat, nisi ut triumpham agamus intus?

Philautus: Well done! Your boldness has captured the fort. All that remains now is to go in and celebrate your victory?

Acolastus: Accedo tuae sententiae.

Acolastus: I agree.

Philautus: Sed quid libri hic gestas?

Philautus: But what's that book you're carrying?

Acolastus: Id pignoris pater mihi relinquebat.

Acolastus: A memento of my father.

Philautus: Phy, bibliorium codex est: valeat!

Philautus: Bah! It's the Book of the Law: away with it!

(Throws it aside.) (Throws it aside.)

Philautus: Insiste tuas tibi res curare, nempe, quo pacto iter tuum instituas, peregre profecturus. Codex non aeque inimicus, atque hic est nobis. Ego tibi mox alia instillari praecepta.

Philautus: Concentrate now on arrangements for your journey abroad. That book is as much our foe as your father himself. Presently I'll teach you as different set of principles.

Acolastus: Sed mihi graviter pater est interminatus, ne haec a me amitterem.

Acolastus: But my father solemnly wanted me not to lose it.

Philautus: Istaec verba sunt, mitte! Quin concedimus intro?

Philautus: That's al talk. Forget it! Come on, let's go into my house.

Acolastus: Impera et puta factum!

Acolastus: Your wish is my comand.

(Exeunt) (Exeunt)

ACTVS SECVNDI SCAENA PRIMA

Act II Scene I

(Enter Pantolabus.) (Enter Pantolabus.)

Pantolabus: Nai miser ego sum, qui, quod edam, quaero et id aegre invenio. Gulam habeo extrema fame paene stangulatum, venter inedia exhaustus est, stomachus latrat, tum pendulae marcent genae. Pol dentes pruriunt, me nullus est ieiuniosior neque magis effractus fame. Scabri rubigine dentes, labiaque in cena situ loquuntur me famelicum. Quare hunc haberem praesentem deum, placaret qui mihi ventrem iratum. Parasiticae artis gnarum optem dari obviam, quem sectari liceat, postquam in fumum cineremque versa sunt, quae possedi, omnia. Vel e flamma non gravarer impiger cibum petere. O Fortuna, ut nunquam perpetuo bona es!

Pantolabus: Oh what a wretched fellow am I, who have to search for my food and then can hardly find it! I'm so hungry it almost chokes me, my belly has collapsed from starvation, my stomach is barking, my withered cheeks are dangling. By heaven, my teeth itch! Nobody has fasted longer nor been more flattened by hunger. My teeth scabbed with rust and my lips grey with dirt tell the tale of famine. That's why I'd consider him a very god incarnate who would calm my raging stomach. I'd like to meet someone learned in hte art of the parasite and become his disciple, because I've sent all my wealth up in smoke. Why, I wouldn't hesitate to snatch food from a funeral pyre. O FOrtune, how uncertain are your benefits!

(Enter Pamphagus.) (Enter Pamphagus.)

Pantolabus: Sed hic ne est Pamphagus, meo quem iuvi beneficio toties? Is est.

Pantolabus: But who's this? Surely it's Pamphagus, a man who has often enjoyed my generosity? Yes, it is.

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Pamphagus: Quis hic novus subsistit hospes? Pantolabus est. Insolens istuc quidem facit. Non possum, quin salutem et conloquar.

Pamphagus: Who's this strange visitor standing here? Why, it's Pantolabus. That's certainly unusual. I suppose I'l have to greet him and talk to him.

(To Pantolabus) (To Pantolabus)

Pamphagus: O salve plurimum merito tuo, vir optime!

Pamphagus: Good day, sir, I hope you are well!

Pantolabus: Pamphage, salve plus millies!

Pantolabus: Pamphagus, a very good day to you!

Pamphagus: Quid hic negotii tibi? An venis obsonatum ad forum cuppedinis? Atqui ea est provincia parasitorum.

Pamphagus: What are you doing here? Have you come to shop at the confectioners? That's the office of the parasite, you know, not of his master.

Pantolabus: Memini. Sed eo res rediit, ut transcurso opus mihi sit ad ordinem vestrum.

Pantolabus: Yes, I know. But things have reached such a pass that I've got to transfer to your profession.

Pamphagus: Ad nostrum ordinem? Quid audio?

Pamphagus: To my profession! Can I believe my ears?

Pantolabus: Sic fors fert.

Pantolabus: Yes, that's what it's come to.

Pamphagus: Sed turpe est nimis a bubus ad asinos transcendere.

Pamphagus: From ox to ass is a shameful metamorphosis!

Pantolabus: Ut sit. Durum telum necessitas.

Pantolabus: No doubt. But necessity is a hard master.

Pamphagus: Nihilne est amplius rei?

Pamphagus: Is all your money gone?

Pantolabus: Nihil quicquam; abligurivi omnia. Hinc memet foro subducens lateo domi hunc totum mensem, ibi vappam bibo, panem atrum voro, inedia ringor, cochlearum instar, vivens miser.

Pantolabus: Every penny — I've gobbled it all up. As a result I've retired from society and for a whole month now I've skulked at home, like a snail in its shell, subsisting on small beer and black bread and positively growling with hunger. It's a miserable life.

Pamphagus: O me ter felicem, cui tam acre bellum cum penia haud fuit, qui suetus sum ut mures alienum semper adrodere cibum. Quid? An non te piget tam acerbae sortis?

Pamphagus: Oh, what a lucky fellow I am! I've never had to fight such a stern battle with hunger; I'm like a mouse that's always nibbling at someone else's food. Come now, aren't you disgusted with your hard lot?

Pantolabus: Non tantum quidem pigeret, si modo tuam disciplinam nunc sectarier liceret.

Pantolabus: I wouldn't have to be if only I could enroll as your pupil.

Pamphagus: Forsitan liceret, si potis esses adsequi.

Pamphagus: Perhaps you might, if you had brains enough.

Pantolabus: Conarer, ut possem, Pamphage; venter, magister ingeni, meos conatus iuverit.

Pantolabus: I'll try my best, Pamphagus. The belly is a great schoolmaster. He will kep me at my lessons.

Pamphagus: Sed nescio, quam feliciter.

Pamphagus: But how profitably, I wonder?

Pantolabus: Hem, me vide, ut prolixe agis! Rape me sodes, collegio tuo inauctorandum, rape, postquam nullam plane artem calleo, qua possim vivere oiksitos.

Pantolabus: Oh my, how you waste time! Please hurry up and take me into your school. You'd better hurry, because I've neevr learned how to support myself.

Pamphagus: Au, non sunt inlotis sacra haec manibus tractantda.

Pamphagus: Ah, but these sacred mysteries must be handled only by the pure.

Pantolabus: Satisne lotus sim, qui corruger fame?

Pantolabus: Am I not purified enough? I'm purged with hunger.

Pamphagus: Specimen tuae des artis oportet, dehinc nostris comitiis indictis, si voles, nomen dabis cum plausu et gloria.

Pamphagus: You must give some proof of your skill; after which you may, if you wish, present yourself as a worthy candidate for election to our order.

Pantolabus: Ea lege, obsecor, me disciplum habe tibi, cui profui, re salva saepe, nisi immemor es beneficii accepti.

Pantolabus: On that condition, please accept me as a pupil. After all, I was often generous to you in the days of my prosperity. Or do you forget benefits past?

Pamphagus: Immemor? Age, suspicio te parasitastrum.

Pamphagus: I forget? Never Come, I accept you as pupil-parastite.

Pantolabus: Habeo pol gratiam. Quid est, quod me nunc vis facere?

Pantolabus: Oh thank you! Now, what is it you want me to do?

Pamphagus: Ut me observes sedulo.

Pamphagus: To pay careful attention to me.

Pantolabus: Qui dum?

Pantolabus: What for?

Pamphagus: Seria curanda sunt.

Pamphagus: We must attent to serious matters.

Pantolabus: Quid seria? Securus quonam ferrer pede? Seria curavi nunquam, nisi seria ventris negotia appellites.

Pantolabus: What do you mean serious? What have I let myself in for? I've never ben serious about anything, unless you call the business of the stomach serious.

Pamphagus: Scilicet.

Pamphagus: Of course it is.

Pantolabus: Istuc persuadeas Catonibus rigidisque sophois, si quid vales oratione.

Pantolabus: Try and persuade Cato and the stern philosophers of that, if you have any skill at rhetoric.

Pamphagus: Pro suo illi sapiant ingenio, non equidem invideo, nobis item palatum neutiquam desipit. Hic et nos philosophoi sumus Aesopici Gnathonicique, cuius sectae plurimos clientes in forum producimus.

Pamphagus: They are men of discernment in their own way; I certainly don't deny that. But we, too, are not altogether lacking in taste! Here even we are philosophers, followers of Aesop and Gnatho. As their disciples we bring many clients to the market place.

Pantolabus: Quibus sed ducibus freti?

Pantolabus: But who are the leaders on whom you rely?

Pamphagus: Magnis: Epicuro, Aristippo, Catiis et Apiciis.

Pamphagus: Oh, great men:— Epicurus, Aristippus, the Catii and Apicii.

Pantolabus: Duces illi haud sunt paenitendi per genium; perdoctus es, laudo. Sed ad seria redi.

Pantolabus: Those are leaders with whsoe wisdom one need not be dissatisfied. You're a learned fellow, I must admit. But get back to the serious matters.

Pamphagus: Recte. Nescis, quae viderim insomnia.

Pamphagus: Right! You are unacquainted with the dream I have had.

Pantolabus: Falsa?

Pantolabus: False, no doubt?

Pamphagus: Non opinor. Post medium noctis ferunt vera esse somnia, cum sumus purgatiores scilicet.

Pamphagus: I think not. After midnight, they say, dreams are true, because by then we are naturally more purified.

Pantolabus: Intellego. Sed narra somnium.

Pantolabus: I understand. But describe your dream.

Pamphagus: Hodie constrato in toro videbar ad mensam plenam lautusque unctusque accumbere. Cerealem dixisses cenam: hinc velut e pleno cornu datum, et quod ederem et quod potarem inde adeo, in digitos pedis mihi standum erat, ut de summo quicquam peteram. Vis dicam? Dis quidem videbar, cui adfluerent bonae undique deliciae.

Pamphagus: It seemed today as if I sat on cushions, bathed and annointed, at a full table. You'd have said it was a feast of Ceres. From it, as from a horn of plenty, I received food and drink in such profusion that to reach anything from the top of the heap I had to stand on tiptoe. Do you want to know something? I thought myself a god swimming in all kinds of delights.

Pantolabus: Tam grata sunt, quae memoras, ut dentes venterque hinc gestiant mihi. Vigilans vix ausim optare, dormiens quae somnias.

Pantolabus: What you're recounting is so delightful my teeth and belly are in ecstasy. Waking, I would hardly dare hope for what you dream of in your sleep.

Pamphagus: Tum nescio quid visus talorum iactus portendat ominis boni.

Pamphagus: Then appeared a kthrow of dice which seemed to indicate some kind of good omen.

Pantolabus: Vah somnium hominis! Quae narrat?

Pantolabus: Bah! What a dreamer! What a tale!

Pamphagus: Quid hoc? Satin tibi placet?

Pamphagus: What do you mean? Aren't you pleased?

Pantolabus: Vereor, ne laevus hic augur sis.

Pantolabus: I'm afraid you're a false prophet.

Pamphagus: Nil credis, nisi quod vides? Abi in malam crucem dignus, quem nunquam sancta Saturitas beet, cum istac tua incredulitate.

Pamphagus: Do you only believe in what you see? Go to the devil with your incredulity, and may you never be blessed by the goddess of Plenty.

Pantolabus: Obsecro, famelicum meum ventrem fac somniis tuis satures, si quid habent rei.

Pantolabus: Oh please, see if you can't satisfy my famished stomach with your dreams — if there's any substance to them.

Pamphagus: Inrides?

Pamphagus: Are you laughing at me?

Pantolabus: Non rideam, quod carbonarias opes pro germanis ostentes, somniis felix? Ridiculum!

Pantolabus: Why shouldn't I laugh, when out of the wealth of your dreams you offer me not real money but counterfeit. Don't be ridiculous!

Pamphagus: Age, ridiculum sit, quando ita lubet! Porro, quam non sim stultulus vates, videbis, dum fiam hinc cellarius cuiuspiam nummatioris domini, opulentia cuius construxero tam largum ventri commeatum, ut si regum sim maximus.

Pamphagus: Ridiculous, am I? You'll see presently what a foolish prophet I am, when I become the steward of some rich master, and out of his wealth heap together a store of provisions as abundant as if I were the greatest of kings.

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Pantolabus: Hic, credo, vigilans somniat.

Pantolabus: I believe this fellow's dreaming even though he's awake.

(Ironically.) (Ironically.)

Pantolabus: Pamphage, beatum me in tuo regno tum, quaeso, facias.

Pantolabus: Pamphagus, I beseech you, when that happens admit me to the blessings of your kingdom.

Pamphagus: Vel primus eris apud me, si probe aduleris.

Pamphagus: You shall even be the first among us — provided you learn how to flatter well.

Pantolabus: Sed unde plebiscita ordinis vestri petam?

Pantolabus: But where shall I look for the rules of your order?

Pamphagus: Unde, rogas? A Terentiano illo Gnathone principe viro.

Pamphagus: Where? Why to that great man, Terence's Gnatho.

Pantolabus: Hic te opus fuerit interprete optimo: nemo artifex nascitur.

Pantolabus: But I shall need you as his interpreter. An artist, you know, is made, not born

Pamphagus: Operam meam tibi dico.

Pamphagus: I dedicate myself to your service

Pantolabus: Age doctoris suscipe partes.

Pantolabus: Come then, undertake the role of teacher.

Pamphagus: Nolo arbitrum quenquam esse nobis. Sed pone fabricam hanc tutus locus est, ibi elementa dabo Fac te docibilem probes discipulum.

Pamphagus: I don't want anyone to overhear. But behind this building there is a place where I can safely teach you the first principles of our art See that you prove a willing pupil.

Pantolabus: En aurem utramque surrigo ad magistri dogmata.

Pantolabus: Behold, I listen with both ears to the doctrine of the master!

(Exeunt.) (Exeunt.)

ACTVS SECVNDI SCAENA SECVNDA

Act II Scene II

(Enter Philautus and Acolastus.) (Enter Philautus and Acolastus.)

Philautus: Quid haec, Acolaste, prae ut illa, quae pater dedit?

Philautus: Well, Acolastus, what do you think of these instructions compared with the advice your father gave you?

Acolastus: Pater futtilis est, somnium, iners: valeat! Magis tua me, Philaute, dicta stimulant: 'Fac tibi fidas! Quodcumque inciderit in mentem, voles. Te ipso fruere! Spes omnis in te sit tibi! Sic vives felix ac beatus.' Altius haec cordi haerent, quam ut momento levi excidant.

Acolastus: Father's worthless, a simple-minded fool. Goodbye to him! Your advice is far more exciting: Have faith in your own wisdom! Obey that impulse. Make yourself your sole delight. Let all your hopes be centered in you! That's the secret of good fortune and happiness This doctrine is planted too deep to be easily uprooted.

Philautus: Macte es virtute.

Philautus: Bravo!

Acolastus: Iam vale, Philaute mi!

Acolastus: And now, my dear Philautus, farewell.

Philautus: Vale, longum vale, Acolaste optime maixme!

Philautus: Farewell, oh farewell, Acolastus, best and greatest of men!

(Exit.) (Exit.)

Acolastus: Quam me Philautus vi sua totum occupet, si maxime dicam, nemo credat tamen, adeo in illum velut effusus sum pectore. Quo fit, nulla ut hinc capiar paenitudine mei, ut mihi ignoscam et mihi placeam nimis. Quis hoc statu me non beatum praedicet? Superest, ut itr ingresus haec mea gaudia tester festiva, quam paro, cantiuncula.

Acolastus: No one would believe, though I took an oath on it, how completely Philautus has possession has possession of my mind; I have, you might say, given him my heart. As a result I shall never repent of treating myself with too much leniency or feel that I have taken too much pleasure in myeslf. Who that sees me in my present state could fail to proclaim me happy? It only remains for me, as I set out on my journey, to testify to my joy with a cheerful song that I have composed for the occasion:

(Acolastus sings:) (Acolastus sings:)

Acolastus: O dies festus niveo lapillo dignus, o lucis facies serena, qua licet demum positis suave vivere curis! Nunc iuvat laute Genium fovere, nunc iuvat sacrae Veneri litare, nunc iuvat ludos et amoena carni Gaudia ferre. Exsulat tergo monitor severus, et iugum collo iacet, o, remotum, libero quovis pede iam licebit tendere gressus. Qui tuli multos dominos iuventae, qui iugo solvi toties cupivi, liber, emissus manibus parentis vivo beatus. Gestiens adsit iuvenum corona, plaudat et sortem hanc mihi gratuletur, concinant Musae celebres canora carmina voce!

Acolastus: Oh festive day, red letter day, oh day of sunshine, when at last I can cast aside care and live in delight! Now is the time to enjoy myself completely. Now is the time to sacrifice to sacred Venus. Now is the time to taste the sports and pleasures of the flesh. My stern task-master is banished from my back, the yoke lifted far from my neck, and I with feet unfettered am free to wander where I will. I who in youth have endured much tyranny, who have longed to be wholly free of the yoke, have been emancipated from my father's authority and now live, a happy man. Let a company of youths assemble, rejoicing, let them clap their hands and congratulate me on my good fortune. Let the Muses lend their melodious voices to a song.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS SECVNDI SCAENA TERTIA

Act II Scene III

(Enter Pamphagus and Pantolabus.) (Enter Pamphagus and Pantolabus.)

Pamphagus: Quid haec tibi videntur?

Pamphagus: Well, what do you think ofthese instructions?

Pantolabus: Rara profecto mysteria.

Pantolabus: Truly rare mysteries!

Pamphagus: Vide, ut contineas.

Pamphagus: Mind you, don't forget them.

Pantolabus: Accurate omnia. Memorem me senties. Sed unde escaria nobis est venatio? Ubi cadaver est, quod adcurramus vultures? Nam vel lupo esurientior sum.

Pantolabus: Not one, I assure you. You'll see how well I remember. But where are we hunters goig to find our prey? Where's the carcass for us vultures to feed upon? For I'm hungrier than a wolf.

Pamphagus: Quod de somnio iamiam dixi, meministin obsecro?

Pamphagus: Do you remember what I told you just now about my dream?

Pantolabus: Memini.

Pantolabus: I remember.

Pamphagus: Hinc te bene sperare iubeo.

Pamphagus: Take hope from that.

Pantolabus: Sperare autem, cum nihil sit, quod edatur?

Pantolabus: What hope is there when there's nothing to eat?

Pamphagus: Mane, mane! Non spem meram, sed rem dabo.

Pamphagus: Just you wait! It's not merely a shadow I'm offering you, but substance.

Pantolabus: Promissis quis non dives esse possit?

Pantolabus: Who is here that can't be rich in promises?

Pamphagus: Offam faxo in os tibi obiecero: nisi enim me omen laetum fallit, nanciscimur hodie herum, qualem volumus, qui nos accipiat lautissime. Hem, ad Rostra te voco.

Pamphagus: There'll be no slip-up, I assure you: Unless I misread them, the omens are happy. We'll find to-day the kind of master we're looking for, one who'll entertain us lavishly. Now then, I summon you to the rostrum.

Pantolabus: Quid illo?

Pantolabus: What for?

Pamphagus: Ut videam, num qui venerint legati aut hospites nobis.

Pamphagus: So that I may know what ambassadors or guests are coming to visit us.

Pantolabus: Malim ad cuppedinarios vocarier; nam differor fame.

Pantolabus: I'd rather be summoned to the confectioners, for I'm destroyed with hunger.

Pamphagus: Ah, quam plumbeus es! Lucri bonus odor illinc adflavit nares meas.

Pamphagus: What a dull fellow you are! A sweet smell of money is beginning to tickle my nostrils from over there.

Pantolabus: Si odoribus et somniis ventrem pascas, quid adhuc famescere me sinis?

Pantolabus: If you can fed your stomach on smells and dreams, why do you let me go on starving?

Pamphagus: Heus tu, ne spera communem tibi sortem, nisi sequeris.

Pamphagus: Listen you! Don't hope to share my good fortune, unless you follow me.

Pantolabus: Sequor vel ad manes imos, si iusseris.

Pantolabus: I'll follow you — to hell itself, if you give the order.

(Enter Acolastus.) (Enter Acolastus.)

Acolastus: Nunc gaudeo superasse me viarum omnes crepdiines. Cedant graves curae, maeror facessat, optato in portu cum navigem. Posthac quicquid libet, licebit protinus; sub pectore quicquid tacitus versabo, id in linguam, mox in manus licenter derivabitur, neque obstrepet quisquam meis studiis, ut hactenus obstitit durus pater, a quo me exsulem meapte sponte reddidi, ne sit corrector amplius. Iam id adfectabo, ut adsurgant omnes venienti, dexteras iniciant, comissatum ducant, denique delibutus ut vivam perpetuis gaudiis. Tum vel multo auro adiunxero omnes mihi. Monarcha sic regnabo praepotens. Quid? An non albae filius gallinae iure censear, optimis plane prognatus ovis? Nullis cessero, ne diis quidem, postquam meus Philautus subiecit mihi boni et mali rationes omnes, quas ad unguem teneo. Porro autem obviam optem dari hospitem amicum, qui me magnifice tractet, virum sane omnibus modis dignum, cui omnes optata omnia ferant. Quod si me nossent, qui siem, gregatim ad me concurrerent cuppedinarii, coqui, fartores, unguentarii, Pomarius, piscator, auceps, leno cum scortis valens.

Acolastus: Now I rejoice to have overcome all the obstacles to my journey. Away with care and grief, since I have entered the wished-for harbour! From now on my will is law. Whatever my mind cherishes my tongue shall utter and my hand perform without restraint, and no one shall oppose my inentions, as my stern father used to do. I have exiled myself from him, of my own free will, so that he may no longer be my corrector. Now I'll see to it that all men rush forward to greet me as I come, laying hold of me and insisting that I dine with them — in short that I enjoy a life of perpetual pleasure. For with much gold I shall bind all men to me. So I shall reign, a mighty monarch. What? haven't I a right to call myself the white-haired boy? Cock of the walk? I shall give precedence to no one, not even the gods. For Philautus has taught me the whole system of moral philosophy, and I've got it letter-perfect. But now I should like to encounter some friendly stranger who would treat me with the deference due to a personage such as myself, on whom it is only right that all men should lavish every good thing. For if they knew who I was, there would crowd around me a whole troop of confectioners, cooks, poulterers, and perfumers, not to mention the fruit-seller, fish-monger, fowler, and the pimp with all his whores.

Pamphagus: Pantolabe, quem procul huc video adventare?

Pamphagus: Pantolabus, who's that I see in the distance, coming this way?

Pantolabus: Nescio, nisi ad mercatum venit hic peregrinus hospes, ut apparet.

Pantolabus: I don't know, unless it's some foreign visitor come here on business. That's what he looks like.

Pamphagus: Bene habet. Hinc nobis, quod spero, materia certi aucupii datur. Exprompta nunc opus est astutia.

Pamphagus: Good! Here, I hope, is a bird for our snare. Now we must be ready to use cunning.

Pantolabus: Mi Pamphage, zonam habet.

Pantolabus: Pamphagus, he has a money-belt.

Pamphagus: Zonam?

Pamphagus: A money-belt?

(Looking around.) (Looking around.)

Acolastus: Sed neminem hic video.

Acolastus: But I don't see anybody here.

Pantolabus: Audin, quid dicat?

Pantolabus: Do you hear what he says?

Pamphagus: Vult noscier-

Pamphagus: He wants to make himself acquainted.

Acolastus: Quonam devertam, cogito.

Acolastus: I must decide where I am to lodge.

Pamphagus: Et hospitem quaerit.

Pamphagus: And he's looking for an inn.

Pantolabus: Cinaedus est ex vultu et filo corporis.

Pantolabus: From his looks and manner I'd say he's a wanton fellow.

Pamphagus: Praeda haec nostris est unguibus digna. A tergo me huic inseram.

Pamphagus: Here's prey worthy of our claws. I'll sneak up behind him and insinuate myself into his company.

Pantolabus: Quid me autem?

Pantolabus: What about me?

Pamphagus: Fac, verbis meis subservias, ut hinc nostro in albo te dignum habeas locum.

Pamphagus: See that you follow my lead. Then you may have a worthy plae in our Chronicle.

(Addressing Acolastus.) (Addressing Acolastus.)

Pamphagus: Hospes bone, hospes clare, iubeo te salvere plurimum.

Pamphagus: Worthy stranger, noble visitor, heartiest greetings to you.

Pantolabus: Propino tibi salutem plenis faucibus, vir optime.

Pantolabus: May I offer you most sincere gretings, your Excellency.

(Aside to Pantolabus.) (Aside to Pantolabus.)

Pamphagus: Facete, laute, lepide istuc tene.

Pamphagus: That's good, that's neat, that's pretty — keep it up!

Acolastus: Vicissim comprecor vobis laeta omnia, quicumque estis.

Acolastus: And I in turn wish you joy, whoever you are.

Pamphagus: Magnam mehercle gratiam omnes merito habemus tuae isti humanitati.

Pamphagus: Upon my soul, sir, we both offer you the profound thanks your courtesy deserves.

Pantolabus: Vir bonus ex es habitu.

Pantolabus: From your appearance it's obvious that you're a gentleman.

Pamphagus: Sed in his quam ob rem peregrinaris regionibus?

Pamphagus: But tell us, what brings you to this part of the world?

Acolastus: Huc me gravis tempestas impulit meorum adfectuum.

Acolastus: The mighty tempest of my passions has carried me here.

Pamphagus: Ecquo destinabas iter?

Pamphagus: Were you setting your course for anywhere in particular?

Acolastus: Quolibet, ubi liceat meo pro ingenio vivere.

Acolastus: Wherever I may live to suit my temperament.

Pamphagus: Istuc hic licebit commodissime. Si nescis, hic habitant omnis generis Veneres et Gratiae.

Pamphagus: Here is just the place for you. Let me tell you that this is the very home of Venus and the Graces.

Pantolabus: Hic oenopolia, myropolia, pharmacopolia stabulant.

Pantolabus: Here are the rows of vintners, perfumers, and quacks.

Pamphagus: Neque hic desiderabis musicum concentum.

Pamphagus: Nor shall you lack here the harmony of music.

Pantolabus: Gaudiis hic adflues.

Pantolabus: Here you will swim in pleasure.

Acolastus: Sane auspicato, ut audio, huc detuli pedem, ubi frontem exporrigam. Vobis nomen dabo.

Acolastus: From what you say, it was in a happy hour that I chose to voyage to this country of delights. Now, I shall tell you my name.

Pamphagus: Nomen tuum quod est?

Pamphagus: Ah, you're name! What is it?

Acolastus: Nomen? Acolastus.

Acolastus: My name is — Acolastus

Pamphagus: Acolastus? Vah, nomen convenit!

Pamphagus: Acolastus? Aha! It suits you well.

Pantolabus: Hem, noster es.

Pantolabus: Oho, you belong to us.

Acolastus: Certe, quod vester sim repertus, gaudeo. Sed nullane spes est potiundi hic principatus?

Acolastus: That you consider me one of you, gives me much pleasure. But tell em, what are my chances of becming the chief citizen here?

Pamphagus: Maxime. In primis ista corporis tui forma heroica placet, tum mores, indoles, cultus et disserendi gratia magno te ortum loco arguunt.

Pamphagus: Very good. To begin with, you are cast in the heroic mould that is calculated to please. In addition, your manners, your natural genius, your elegance and your graceful speech — all show that you were born to greatness.

Pantolabus: A capite ad talos pulcher es.

Pantolabus: From head to toe you are a thing of glory.

Pamphagus: Immo, dum te contemplamur fixius, divina elucet in te quaedam maiestas.

Pamphagus: Indeed, now that I look at you more closely I se shining forth a sort of divine splendour.

Acolastus: Nihil est in me, quin omnes plurimum id ament: vivo et regno.

Acolastus: (To himself, complacently.) Why, everything about me wins the adoration of the world. As I live, I am a very king!

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Pantolabus: Non sentit caudex palpum obtrudier.

Pantolabus: The block-head can't see that we're mocking him.

Pamphagus: Hem, regem hunc esse oportet.

Pamphagus: Why, this man should be a king!

Pantolabus: Scilicet, tot clarum dotibus.

Pantolabus: To be sure, a man with such splendid talents!

Acolastus: Si nosceretis, quid mecum portem boni, tum istuc magis, scio, diceretis.

Acolastus: Oh, if you really knew of the talents I'm carrying you'd say that again!

Pamphagus: Quid id est?

Pamphagus: What d'you mean?

Pantolabus: Virtutes omnes narra tuas, ut hinc orneris.

Pantolabus: Tell us all your virtues, so that we may honor them.

Acolastus: Agedum, appendite zonam auro multo gravem.

Acolastus: Here, feel the weight of this money belt. It's full of gold.

Pamphagus: Hui, tam graves auro loculos?

Pamphagus: Whew! Is it gold that makes it so heavy?

Pantolabus: Quid audio? Aurumne habet?

Pantolabus: What's this? Has he gold?

Pamphagus: Habet.

Pamphagus: He does.

(To Acolastus.) (To Acolastus.)

Pantolabus: Ego te, si nescis, auro encomion possim docere.

Pantolabus: I can recite you an encomium on gold, if you don't happen to know it.

Acolastus: Dic.

Acolastus: Go ahead.

Pantolabus: Pulcherrima aurum faustitas mortalibus. Hoc te diis parem facit; hoc qui habet, repente honoratus, clarus, sapiens, item rex splendidus fit.

Pantolabus: Gold is man's greatest source of happiness. It makes him equal to the gods. He who has it becomes in a twinkling honorable, illustrious, wise — yes a glorious king.

Acolastus: Per Iovem, haec dogmata Philauti dogmatis consentiunt. Quid prohibet, quin patiar me nomine regio salutari?

Acolastus: Good heavens! This doctrine agrees with that of Philautus. Why should I hesitate to let hem hail me with the title of king?

Pantolabus: Ter maxime rex, quin in clientelam tuam nos suscipis?

Pantolabus: Thrice great king, will you grant us your patronage?

Acolastus: Suscipio. En vobis auctoramenta haec mea.

Acolastus: I will. Here is an earnest of my favour.

Pamphagus: Nunc me totum regi dedo.

Pamphagus: I now dedicate myself wholly to the service of my king.

Pantolabus: Et ego, quantus sum, illi mancipor.

Pantolabus: And I, such as I am, deliver myself into his hands.

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Pantolabus: Sic inter luscos regnabit strabus. Pulchrum spectaculum!

Pantolabus: In the country of the blind the one-eyed man is king What a comedy!

Acolastus: Quid hic stamus? Quid hic haeremus ieiuni? Quin tendimus comissatum?

Acolastus: But why are we standing here? Let's not keep a fast but go and eat

Pantolabus: Iam dudum est in patinis meus animus.

Pantolabus: My mind went to dinner some time ago!

Pamphagus: Ubi vis, nihil moror.

Pamphagus: Give the word and I'll not delay.

Acolastus: Quo devertemus?

Acolastus: Where shall we lodge?

Pamphagus: Hospitem probum dabo.

Pamphagus: I'll get you suitable quarters.

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Pantolabus: Dabit dignum patella operculum.

Pantolabus: Yes — they'll suit him, all right!

Pamphagus: Unde autem obsonabitur, quaeso, patrone optime?

Pamphagus: But tell me, excellency, what shall I use to buy food with?

Pantolabus: Recte.

Pantolabus: Quite so!

Acolastus: Cape hoc argentum et appara cenam, quae cum pontificali certet.

Acolastus: Here, take this money and provide me with a meal fit for an emperor.

Pamphagus: Curabo, here.

Pamphagus: I'll see to it master.

Acolastus: Tum Venus, Bacchus, Ceres nostris volo intersint epultionibus.

Acolastus: Moreover, I want Venus, Bacchus and Ceres to be guests at our feast.

Pamphagus: Fiet. Tibicines num nam cupis deducier e foro?

Pamphagus: They shall. And what about the flute players? Do you want me to fetch them from the market-place?

Acolastus: Etiam.

Acolastus: By all means.

Pamphagus: Propero ad macellum. Heus Pantolabe, regem deducito cliens ad Sannionem nostrum, sed sublata sarcina. Tenes?

Pamphagus: I'll hurry there at once. Hey, Pantolabus! Conduct His Majesty, like a loyal subject, to the house of our friend Sannio. And carry his luggage. Understand?

Pantolabus: Sic.

Pantolabus: Yes.

Acolastus: Ubi manet ille vester?

Acolastus: Where is the house of that friend of yours?

Pantolabus: Ad Veneris fanum.

Pantolabus: By the temple of Venus.

Acolastus: Bene est. Sustole haec.

Acolastus: Good. Pick up these things.

Pantolabus: Quam pulchre procedo hodie! O fortunatum hunc diem!

Pantolabus: This is my luck day O happy, happy day!

(He and Acolastus Exeunt.) (He and Acolastus Exeunt.)

ACTVS SECVNDI SCAENA QVARTA

Act II Scene IV

(Alone.) (Alone.)

Pamphagus: Ha ha he! Quam tutum hospitium confidentiae meae mihi paravi! Quam promptum nactus sum verticulum exercendis fucis, imposturis et sycophantiis! Hinc mihi praesens lucrum est, abradi dimidium potest, causabor caram esse annonam, ut conveniant ratiunculae accepti et dati. In rationibus nullis tenerier vinculis possum. Ad suffugia mille mihi rimae patent. Nai iste totus desipit, qui nobis auscultaverit, per quos velut in nassam inlectus, ad vivum usque eroditur. Intra casses nostros praeda est, quam usque venati sumus; Illa nostris unguibus frustillatim discerpitur, quippe sic peram illam nunc multo aere turgidam ictibus vellicatim exenterabimus, vix ut inopi siet reliquus obolus emendo resti. Quantumvis gestitet auri in loculis, universum id insumemus luxui. Scilicet triumpho serio, postquam cellarius evasi potentis domini, id quod futurum insomnia dudum praedicabant omine laeto. Nunc tempus monet. Ut procurram obsonatum. Prolixius satur mea post erumpam gaudia. Heus, heus, gestientem Pamphagum nemo lanionum videt, nemo salutatum advenit? Faxo iam ostenso auro, quod me habere nesciunt, simul ad me accurrisse doleant obtrusis mercibus.

Pamphagus: Ha ha ha! What a snug lodging I've built for my impudence. What a handy refuge I've found, by using fraud, deceit and guile. Here's ready money for me. I can steal the half of it. I'll pretend the price of food has gone up, so that my books will balance. At accounts nobody can tie me down. I know a thousand subterfuges. What an utter fool that fellow is to trust us! We've lured him into our net, you might say, and we'll gnaw him to the bone. The game we hunted is caught in the snare, and is about to be torn by our claws into little pieces. For that bag of his, now so swollen with money, we'll disembowel, bit by bit, till the bankrupt can scarcely afford a rope to hang himself. However much gold he carries in his purse, we'll squander every penny of it in debauchery. I am really triumphant, now it has come to pass that I am a steward to a mighty master, just as my recent dream so happily foretold. Well, tume's getting on. I'd better run and do my marketing. When I've eaten my fill, then I'll rejoice at greater length. Ho there! Don't any of you butchers see Pamphagus dancing for joy? Isn't anybody coming to welcome him? Little do they know i have money. When I show it to them they'll be sorry they didn't rush to greet me with their hands full of merchandise.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS SECVNDI SCAENA QVINTA

Act II Scene V

(Enter Acolastus and Pantolabus.) (Enter Acolastus and Pantolabus.)

Acolastus: Ubinam aedes nostri sunt hospitis? Lassum me longa reddidit profectio.

Acolastus: Where does our host live? The long journey has made me weary.

Pantolabus: Nobis en imminent, here. Praecurram, ut fores totae pateant. Heus, heus, nemon hinc prodit? Insistam pulsare, nisi aperit ostium aliquis actutum.

Pantolabus: We're almost there, master I'll run on ahead so the door will be open to receive you. Hi there, Hi there! Isn't anybody coming out? I'll start knocking unless somebody opens the door at once.

(Begins to bang on door.) (Begins to bang on door.)

(From inside the house.) (From inside the house.)

Sannio: Quis tam graviter pepulit meas fores?

Sannio: Who's pounding like that on my door?

Pantolabus: Vester.

Pantolabus: Your friend —

Sannio: Quis?

Sannio: Who?

Pantolabus: Pantolabus.

Pantolabus: Pantolabus.

Sannio: Pantolabus? Mortuum pridem credebam, ut quem toto non viderim mense.

Sannio: Pantolabus? I thought he was dead long ago. I haven't seen him for a whole month.

Pantolabus: Non est.

Pantolabus: Well, he's not.

Sannio: Id viso.

Sannio: I'll come and see.

(Opens the door.) (Opens the door.)

Sannio: Hem, vix te agnoscerem, vocem nisi nossem tuam. Unde quaeso ades? Num imis ex manibus?

Sannio: Well, well! I'd hardly recognize you if I didn't know your voice Where have you come from? Hell?

Pantolabus: Narrandi id nunc locus non est.

Pantolabus: There's no time to explain now.

Sannio: Quid non?

Sannio: Why not?

Pantolabus: Quid? Huncine vides, obsecro?

Pantolabus: Why! Do you see this man, for goodness sake?

Sannio: Cuias est, unde adduxti, et quo, qua gratia?

Sannio: What country is he from? Where did you bring him from? Where are you taking him, and why?

Pantolabus: Nostras est atque a Pamphago huc adducitur, nostin?

Pantolabus: This is his country now and I've brought him here from Pamphagus, don't you understand?

Sannio: Quem?

Sannio: Who is he?

Pantolabus: Pamphagus obsonatum abscessit, hic nummos dedit.

Pantolabus: Pamphagus has gone off to buy provisions. This man gave him the money.

Sannio: Euge introducatur commodus sane convivator. Syre, hem Syre!

Sannio: Splendid! A generous giver of feasts is heartily welcome. Syrus — I say, Syrus!

(Enter Syrus.) (Enter Syrus.)

Sannio: Sarcinam hanc aufer intro, tum mox redi. Plura habeo, quae mandem.

Sannio: Take this luggage inside and then come back at one. I have another job for you.

(Syrus takes Acolastus' luggage inside.) (Syrus takes Acolastus' luggage inside.)

Sannio: Optatus advenis, hospes optime. Accede ad nos. Omnis rei tibi copia hic fiet.

Sannio: Worthy stranger, you are most welcome. Enter my house. You'll find plenty of everything here.

Acolastus: Nullasne habes Veneres?

Acolastus: What about wenches? Got any of them?

Sannio: Etiam.

Sannio: Yes, indeed.

Acolastus: Iube accersi.

Acolastus: Fetch me one.

Sannio: Quanti pretii mulieres?

Sannio: What price?

Acolastus: Plurimi, forma modo sint praecellenti.

Acolastus: The best. Just be sure she's a real beauty.

Sannio: Primariam sane dabo feminam.

Sannio: I'll giet you a really choice piece.

(Acolastus and Pantolabus exeunt into the inn.) (Acolastus and Pantolabus exeunt into the inn.)

Sannio: Hem Syre,

Sannio: Hi Syrus,

(Syrus enters.) (Syrus enters.)

Sannio: Audi, Laidem accerse!

Sannio: Listen to me. Fetch Lais.

syrus: Iam?

syrus: Now?

Sannio: Iam.

Sannio: Now.

syrus: Causae quid dicam?

syrus: Why shall I say she's wanted?

Sannio: Adesse amatorem.

Sannio: There's a client here for her.

(Exit Syrus. Enter Pamphagus, laden with groceries and followed by musicians.) (Exit Syrus. Enter Pamphagus, laden with groceries and followed by musicians.)

(Giving the groceries to Sannio.) (Giving the groceries to Sannio.)

Pamphagus: Ocius haec introducite, ut coquis dentur.

Pamphagus: Quick, take these in and give them to the cook.

(Exit Sannio.) (Exit Sannio.)

Pamphagus: Vos me sequimini, tibicines, intro!

Pamphagus: You flute-players, follow me inside! (Exeunt into the inn.)

(Exeunt into the inn.) (Exeunt into the inn.)

ACTVS TERTII SCAENA PRIMA

Act III Scene I

(Enter Bromia.) (Enter Bromia.)

Bromia: An unquam cuiquam contumeliosius audistis factam iniuriam, quam haec est mihi? Venit ad me Pamphagus. 'Heus tu,' inquit, 'Bromia, cito revise, quid moretur Laidem. Annus est, priusquam prodeat e gynaeceo.' 'Pedes,' inquam, 'foras efferre vetant negotia culinaria.' Mox corripit fustem, fugam ex aedibus ineo. Sane vero, quia hunc insignem decoctorem adduxit, satis pro imperio agit, neque quisquam eius mores potest tolerare. Sed faxo, meminerit huius loci atque diei. Secundas res superbiae decent, sino. Verum dum coeperit suum mutare vultum fortuna, atque hic indigus opis nostrae factus fuerit, nai mortuo canet, dum quid supplex petet. Pol gratiam habeo tibi, Pantolabe, qui intercesseris plagasque averteris. Ut misera sum, cui quidem datum est in hanc domum, ubi tot sunt domini, ubi vix decem coqui suffecerint eduliis concinnandis, quae noster hic, si diis placet, condus promus modo attulit. Nunc adfatim habet, quod plenis faucibus helluo voret. Habet, quod in foedissimam ventris sui proluviem mittat, Harpyia obscenissima. Perstrenue ille quidem officium facit, dum homo suavis adducit citharistrias sibi. Ne non etiam, opinor, camelus saltitet. Nam Pamphago nihil magis cum fidibus quam graculo. Tum Lais, scortum nobile, magno quod meret, accersitum est hospiti. Hos tantos sumptus quis ferret vel satrapes? Quid Pamphagus? An non certa pestis atque item communis pernicies est adolescentulum? Atat, forte imminet hic cessanti quispiam. Proin viso, sicubi haeret in via Syrus cum Laide. Ut utrumque male perdat Iuppiter, per quorum nimiam tarditatem propemodum perieram! Papae, gregem ancillarum conspicor huc adventare; aedes nostrae vix ceperint. Ibo illis obviam ac, quid venerim, eloquar.

Bromia: Was ever anybody so brow-beaten and insulted as I've been? Pamphagus comes to me and says 'Hey you, Bromia, go quick and find out what's delaying Lais. It's taking her a year to come out of her seraglio.' 'I'm too busy in the kitchen,' says I, 'to go out of doors.' At that he snatches up a stick, and I take to my heels out of the huse. Honestly! Just because he's brought us that great prodigal he takes on such airs nobody can put up with him. But I'll see to it that he remembers this place and day. I agree with the saying: 'Pride and prosperity go together' But just wait till fortune starts to frown, and this fellow Pamphagus needs the help of people like us. I tell you, if he goes down on his knees to me he'll get no more than a beggar singing to the dead. Lord, but I'm grateful to you, Pantolabus, for inerceding and saving me from a beating. What a miserable wretch I am, having to serve in this house where there are so many masters, and where ten cooks couldn't prepare the food that this self-appointed provisioner-steward of ours has just brought us. Now this glutton will have enough to feed his great chops, this foul harpy will have enough to supply his belly's filthy excrement. And he'll do his duty nimbly enough when the fine gentleman calls for cithern players so the camel can dance, as you might say. For Pamphagus is about as handy with a cithern as a jackdaw. Then there's Lais, a famous and high-priced whore, being fetched for our guest. Why, not even a viceroy could afford such lavish expense? What would you call Pamphagus? Isn't he a very disease, and the common bane of youth? Oh dear! Someone may be after me for loitering here. I'd better go and see if Syrus is stuck somewhere along the road with Lais. Damnation take them both, their tardiness has almost been the death of me! Good heavens, what do I see? A herd of maidsevants coming this way. Our house will hardly hold them all. I'll go meet them and deliver my message.

ACTVS TERTII SCAENA SECVNDA

Act III Scene II

(Enter Lais, with her retinue, and Syrus.) (Enter Lais, with her retinue, and Syrus.)

Lais: Itan te misit Sannio?

Lais: You say Sannio sent you?

Syrus: Misit.

Syrus: He did.

Lais: Me accersitum?

Lais: To fetch me?

Syrus: Ita.

Syrus: That's right.

Lais: Quis tam potens hospes venit mei petitum copiam, quae grandem demereo pecuniam?

Lais: Can a guest have arrived important enough to ask for my services? You know how much I cost.

Syrus: Nescio, nisi quod viri adventum herus meus excepti multo humanissime.

Syrus: All I can say is, my master made a tremendous fuss over him when he arrived.

Lais: Num quem cenae apparatum vidisti, Syre?

Lais: Were they getting a dinner ready when you left, Syrus?

Syrus: Non. Sed Pamphagus obsonatum concesserat; hospes omnes sollicitos habet.

Syrus: No, but Pamphagus had gone to buy provisions. The guest is making everybody sweat.

Lais: Sat habeo. Pamphagus non inlicit quemquam nisi divitem. Syre, hem Syre! Quidnam huc conari video Bromiam?

Lais: That's good enough for me. Pamphagus doesn't bother to cheat anybody who isn't rich. Syrus, hi, Syrus! How is it I see Bromia heading this way?

Syrus: Huc? Ubi ea est?

Syrus: This way? Where is she?

Lais: Ad nos viam adfectat.

Lais: She's making straight for us.

Syrus: Certe. Demiror, quid siet.

Syrus: So she is. I wonder what's happened.

Lais: Iubebit nos forsan regredi domum; gravari enim hospitem impendiis.

Lais: She'll tell me to go home again, perhaps — the guest objects to the expense.

Syrus: Non opinor.

Syrus: I doubt it.

Lais: Subsistemus parum.

Lais: We'll wait a moment.

Bromia: Lais, iamdudum convivatum te vocat herus. Quin venis?

Bromia: Lais, my master sent for youa ges ago to join the banquet. Why don't you come?

Lais: Hem, Bromia, venio.

Lais: All right, Bromia, I'm coming.

Bromia: At iam venisse oportuit.

Bromia: But you must come now!

Lais: Quid ita? Cedo!

Lais: What's the hurry, for goodness' sake?

Bromia: Quia omnes accubant, teque unam abesse indignatur tuus Novicius amator.

Bromia: They're all sitting down to dinner. Your new lover is furious because you alone are not there.

Lais: Quid viri est?

Lais: What sort of man is he?

Bromia: Quid cum tibi praedicem aut laudem, Lais? Dignum, sat scio, te amica dixeris.

Bromia: There's no need for me to heap praises on him, Lais. I'm sure you'll agree he is worthy to have you for his mistress.

Lais: Recte, Bromia. At desiderio mei num nam vere calet?

Lais: Well said, Bromia. But tell me, is he really and trluly hot for me?

Bromia: Caleat, rogas? Immo ardet te intime.

Bromia: Hot, you ask? Why, he's burning up!

Lais: Properemus ocius!

Lais: Let's go!

(Exeunt.) (Exeunt.)

ACTVS TERTII SCAENA TERTIA

Act III Scene III

(Enter Eubulus.) (Enter Eubulus.)

Eubulus: Proviso, quid rerum gerat Pelargus, quo pacto ferat absentiam gnati, quem tenere adamat gemitque forsitan nunc abdicatum, quippe illum educavit maximo suo labore, post curavit unice sperans stabilem fore voluptatem, quam ex illius praesentia acciperet. Satis credo, patris ut est ingenium, iam misere sollicitarier super salute filii. Id viso, modereturne suis curis nimis anxiis, vere sapientem quod virum decet.

Eubulus: I'm on my way to find out what Pelargus is up to, how he is managing to endure the absence of his son. For he loves the boy dearly, and doubtless mourns his exile. After all, he took great pains in bringing him up and afterwards gave him special care, looking to the time when the young man's society would provide him with endless pleasure. I am quite sure that like any normal father he is filled with anxiety about his son's welfare. I am going to see whether or not he is keeping his gried within reasonable bounds, as a really sensible man should.

(Enter Pelargus) (Enter Pelargus)

Pelargus: Parentis quanta sit sollicitudo erga absentem filium, ex me disco. Gnatus quia abdicatus est dudum meus, non sustinet animus quiescere, quin is sedulo mihi ob oculos, ob mentem versetur. Absentem curo haud secus, ac praesentem curavi pridem. Quam vellem Eubulum dari, cum quo volupe est de absente commentari filio! Sed eccum in tempore ipso advenit. Eubule, salve plurimum!

Pelargus: How great is the anxiety of a father for his absent son, my own experience teaches me. Because my child has been cut off from me I have not a moment's ease of mind, but in my imagination he stays constantly before my eyes. I worry about him as much now he is gone as I used to when he was with me. What wouldn't I give to see Eubulus! I get such pleasure from talking to him about my absent son. But look, here he comes just at the right time. A very good day to you, Eubulus!

Eubulus: O mi Pelarge, non praevideram te. Si vales, bene est Nam hac gratia ad te ibam, quo, quid valeret animus, discerem.

Eubulus: Why, Pelargus myfriend, I didn't see you. It would make me happy to hear that you are in good spirits. In fact, it was to learn something of your state of mind that I came to visit you.

Pelargus: Omnes mihi curae coeunt.

Pelargus: Anxiety crowds in on me from every side.

Eubulus: In quo?

Eubulus: Anxiety for whom?

Pelargus: In quo censeas nisi in gnato?

Pelargus: For whom do you suppose, if not for my son?

Eubulus: Num quid audisti de eo, quod nolis, tam cito?

Eubulus: Have you had ill tidings of him so soon?

Pelargus: Nihil. Sed quid valeat, miror.

Pelargus: No. But I keep wondering how he is.

Eubulus: Bene equidem spero.

Eubulus: I'm sure I hope he is well.

Pelargus: Utinam!

Pelargus: Heaven grant it!

Eubulus: Quid est, quod te sollicitat, autem?

Eubulus: What exactly is troubling you?

Pelargus: Gnatus.

Pelargus: My son.

Eubulus: Minue vero hanc improbam curam.

Eubulus: You must control this anxiety. It is impious.

Pelargus: Non possum, Eubule: gnatus est.

Pelargus: I can't, Eubulus. He is my son.

Eubulus: Ut sit, quorsum attinet te excruciare?

Eubulus: Suppose he is - what good does it do to torment yourself?

Pelargus: Mihi sic est usus.

Pelargus: I can't help it.

Eubulus: Si istuc certum est tibi sic facere, abiero.

Eubulus: Oh well, if you've made up your mind to that, I'll leave you.

Pelargus: Potius, quam te caream, quicquid iusseris, faciam.

Pelargus: Rather than have you go, I'll obey your instructions, whatever they are.

Eubulus: In primis, quod, scio, tibi videbitur durum, cave nimium sis solicitus, quando hinc nihilo meliorem feceris Gnati statum, quin magis, eum fatis totum relinquito curandum, a quorum cura neutiquam exciderit. Nec audias Epicureos, qui contendunt deos nihil mortalia curare. Melius Homerus, qui tixin vagam cum nesciat, soli decreto numinis regenda credit omnia. Tu filium tractasti, dum tempus tulit, ut decuit patrem. Nunc amandatus est: feras. Satis pro officio feceris, aequus si perstet filio animus, de quo quicquid numini visum est decernere, laudandum fuerit utroque pollice. Cum diis quis unquam vel pie pugnavit vel feliciter? Sane, haud vacabis impietatis crimine, si ultra fas tuam extendas sollicitudinem, quando exitum futuri habet deus in sua unius manu. Quid hic tantum trepidas miser? An diffidentia tua voles mendacii reum facere deum, nostri qui curam se suspicere perhibet, qui capitis nostri etiam pilos omnes in numerato tenet? Ecquam te ipsum facis, ut ex adverso deo responsites? An invides ipsi monarxian rerum mortalium? Deos quaeso, ut tuam tibi dent mentem.

Eubulus: First, then, here is one I know you'll find hard: you must try not to worry so much, since it won't do your son any good. Rather leave him to the will of the gods, who are always looking after him. Pay no attention to the Epicureans when they say that the gods are not interested in human affairs. Homer is a safer guide. For him there is no such word as "Chance"; he believes that all things are governed solely by the will of heaven. While you could, you cared for your son as a father ought to. Now that he has left you, you must accept the situation. You will have done your duty if you continue to feel kindly toward him. And whatever fate heaven sees fit to bestow on him you must approve with your whole heart. Whoever faught a righteous battle with the gods, or a successful one? You will not be guiltless of impiety, let me tell you, if you indulge in excessive anxiety, for it is God alone who determines how things will turn out. Wretched man! Why are you makign such a fuss about your son? Do you not by your want of faith accuse God of lying, since He assures us that He has taken us into His care and that the very hairs of our head are all numbered? Who do you think you are, that you should set yourself up in opposition to God? Do you challenge His governance of this temporal world? May heaven restore your sanity!

Pelargus: Cogis tu quidem me ire in tuam sententiam. Faciam, ut posthac quietior sim. Dulcis interim commemoratio fuerit de filio. Homo sum, Eubule. Humani nihil a me est alienum.

Pelargus: I am compelled to agree with you. I'll do my best after this to be more calm. But still, it is sweet sometimes to call my son to mind. I am a man, Eubulus, and subject to the same weaknesses as other men.

Eubulus: Quaeso, vide, ne stulto adfectu exhinc gnatum prosequare, quem quidem putes zelum illi debitum, cum sint, nolo erres, adfectus mali, recti specie commendati, unde exspectes non nisi noxiam imposturam. Verum gnatus quid dicebat novissimum?

Eubulus: Just take care, I beg of you, that hereafter your mind does not keep dwelling on your son with a foolish fondness, which you think is only natural affection. The truth is, we are too often betrayed by evil passions which appeal to use under the guise of virtue. But tell me, what did your son say to you at parting?

Pelargus: Duobus verbis iussit me longum valere.

Pelargus: In two words: Good-bye forever.

Eubulus: Quid amplius?

Eubulus: Anything else?

Pelargus: Nihil.

Pelargus: Nothing.

Eubulus: Num tristis abiit?

Eubulus: Was he not sad at leaving?

Pelargus: Immo laetus, Eubule. Hinc mihi lacrimas excussit ille, qui tam frigidus erat in patrem.

Pelargus: On the contrary, Eubulus, he was full of joy. It drove me to tears to see him so indiferent toward his father.

Eubulus: Ita comparatum est natura, ut virtutem praesentem minus animadvertamus, sublatam vero ex oculis mox invidi quaeramus. Quod gnatus minus videt per adulescentiam et consulit parum, aetas id correxerit, quando malo accepto stultus sapiet. Quid valetudo det commodi, aegrotus post intelliget. Nunc illum paenitet sui. Nimis impense liber cupivit esse; quod hic erret modo, posterius sentiet, cum ad te confugiet, naufragus velut in tutum portum. Id quod futurum ominor.

Eubulus: It is human nature to take little notice of the good that we possess, but when it is snatched from our sight to desire it eagerly. Your son, looking with a youthful eye, scarcely sees this and has little regard for it, but time will change all that. When he is older and has suffered misfortunes the fool will be wise. A man appreciates the value of good health only after he has been sick. Then he is angry with himself. He was too eager to be free. That's how it is with your son. He is going off course now; later he will realize this, when he has been shipwrecked and fins in you, as it were, safe harbor. That is what I predict.

Pelargus: Au, mi Eubule, metuo ab omine.

Pelargus: Oh, Eubulus, your prediction frightens me.

Eubulus: Nihil est, quod metuas; si istuc eveniat, locus esto misericordiae.

Eubulus: There is no need to be frightened. If the thing happens, what you will need is compassion.

Pelargus: Non usus veniet, spero.

Pelargus: I hope that the need won't arise.

Eubulus: Spero item ergo hercle. Neque eo dico, quod quicquam illum senserim mali dedisse, sed, si quid, ne quid. Quae eius ist aetas, pervides: In pessima sequax est et in malum propendet pectore toto, idque maxime, dum consiliis suis relinquitur. Quid enim valet, quod in eo est optimum? Malum illud sonticum, quod protoplastous perdidit patres, vitiavit item istius mentem, quo non potest non sollicitarier ad cupidines malas, quas et pro consilio Philauti studeat exsequi, nisi praesens adsit corrector, qui hunc ad meliora provocet. Si nescis; optimus ille corrector deus est, cuius manus moderatur omnia et in quo, ut summatim dicam, omnes vivimus, movemur et sumus, cum sit solus rerum omnium arbiter.

Eubulus: I hope it won't also, I assure you. And I don't mean to say that I actually feel he has fallen into evil ways. But if he does, you must not be surprised. You know he is at a time of life when a man is sequacious of evil, when with is whole being he inclines toward wickedness, especially when he is allowed to rely on his own judgment. All that is best in him is of little or no avail. His mind is corrupted by that fatal weakness which ruined our first parents, so that he cannot help being seduced by evil passions - which, moreover, the advice of Philautus teaches him to gratify - unless he has some controlling power standing by to reclaim him. In case you have forgotten, there is one power who is upreme - God himself, whose hand directs all things and in whom (to sum up) we all live and move and have our being, since He is lord of the universe.

Pelargus: Credo, Eubule, omnia haec tam vere quam studiose orarier: quod de Pericle derunt, Suadela in labiis sessitat tuis. Cuperem quidem in totum curam gnati exsulantis ponere, modo possem.

Pelargus: Eubulus, I believe you are as truthful as you are eloquent. I may say of you what was said of Pericles: 'Persuasion hath her temple in thy lips' Truly, I long to dismiss from my mind all sorrow for my exiled son, if only I could.

Eubulus: Fidenti sperata cedunt. Sed nunquid aliud me vis, Pelarge?

Eubulus: All things come to him who has faith. Now is there anything more I can do for you, Pelargus?

Pelargus: Ut ad nos devertas, Eubule piissime.

Pelargus: Yes. Please stay and visit me, my noble friend.

Eubulus: Quando istuc vis, fiat: nolo ullum in me tibi claudi commodum.

Eubulus: If you want me to, of course I will. Far be it from me to deny you anything.

ACTVS TERTII SCAENA QVARTA

Act III Scene IV

(Enter Bromia.) (Enter Bromia.)

Bromia: Gaudeo me defunctam istius cenae laboribus, tam negotiosa mihi fuit culina. Postulem, si liceret, me oppido lassam refocillare.

Bromia: Thank goodness I've finished the labor of preparing this dinner. I've been so busy in the kitchen, and I'm so very tired I'd like, if I could, to take a little refreshment.

(Enter Syrus.) (Enter Syrus.)

Bromia: Sed quid Syrus petitum veniat, miror, cum bellaria intro inlata sint. Ecquid fit in cenaculo, Syre?

Bromia: But what's Syrus come out here for? He should have taken in the dessert. What are they doing in the dining-room, Syrus?

Syrus: Quid fiat, rogas? Cena dubia sese explent atque item proluti vino sedent convivae; solus Pamphagus ieiunas praetendit fauces, quas vix tandem compleat: ventri avaro donat omnia.

Syrus: I'll tell you what they are doing. The guests are stuffed with a meal so lavish they could hardles decide which dish to choose first, and they're sitting there awash with wine. Pamphagus is the only one who still stretches out his hungry gullet, which he can scarcely fill, and makes a present of everything to his greedy belly.

Bromia: Credo, nil novum facit. Nom polyphagos est, si quisquam alius. At hospes quid rei gerit? An non in raram Laidis formam intentus stupet?

Bromia: I can well believe that - it's nothing new. For he's omnivorous, if anybody ever was. And their guest, what's he doing? Gazing at Lais, I'll be bound, stupefied by her charms.

Syrus: Immo ait nescire se, quo pacto amoris sumpserit satietatem.

Syrus: You're so right. He protests he doesn't know how he can ever have his fill of love.

Bromia: Amor nec consilium nec ullum habet modum.

Bromia: Love has neither mean nor measure.

Syrus: Vin, tibi beneficium praestem, Bromia?

Syrus: Would you like me to do something nice for you, Bromia?

Bromia: Maxime.

Bromia: Why, of course.

Syrus: Vide, quid tibi hoc villi sapiat.

Syrus: Here, try a sip of this wine and see how you like it

Bromia: Hem, bromion est.

Bromia: Oho, it's from Bacchus himself!

Syrus: Bibe largius!

Syrus: Take another swig

Bromia: Ha, ha! Nunquam, quod sciam, vinum bibi meracius. Hem Syre, vicissim dabo me tibi, quando usus postulat.

Bromia: Ha, ha! I can't remember that I ever drank stronger wine. Oh, Syrus, you can have me in return, when you feel the need.

Syrus: Postulat nunc et locus et res ipsa et usus.

Syrus: The time, the place, and the need are here now.

Bromia: Qui, Syre?

Bromia: What d'you mean, Syrus?

Syrus: Non te clam est, quam parce hic obsonetur, dum quaestus iacet.

Syrus: You're well aware how meagre our rations are in this house, except when there is a profit to be mae.

Bromia: Scilicet.

Bromia: I certainly am.

Syrus: Nunc contigit, cuius praesentia menstruum nobis commeatum commode reponat.

Syrus: Well, now a situation has risen in which we can easily lay up a month's supply of provisions.

Bromia: Edoce, unde id fiat.

Bromia: How?

Syrus: Si coniuncta opera penum nos clanculum egeramus.

Syrus: If we work together we can secretly rob the larder.

Bromia: Vah, consilium callidum, si verbera lucri facere a Pamphago velimus.

Bromia: Hah! That's a fine scheme - to get a beating from Pamphagus.

Syrus: Abi sis stultula! Carptim singulas dapes truncabimus, ne sentiat.

Syrus: Don't be such a fool! We'll pick away at the store little by little, so that he won't notice.

Bromia: Vulpes annosa laqueis, ne erres, capi haud ullis potest. Tum, quam iracundus, quem plagosus sit Pamphagus, scio, praesertim, si eum tentes praeda fraudare escaria. Ob dapes surreptas ille caelum terrae misceat, nec bolum cani famelico haud unquam tuto auferes. Proin cave, ne ullum tuo tibi iumento accersas malum, si sapis. Sed heus, tibi autem!

Bromia: It's about time you learned that you can't trap an old vixen in a snare. And I know how easy it is to anger Pamphagus and how he loves to give a beating, especially to anybody who tries to rob him of his prey. If you tried to steal any of his banquet dainties he'd raise hell. You can't take a bone from a hungry dog without getting bitten. So if you're wise, you won't go begging for a beating. Hey, look out!

Syrus: Nam quid est?

Syrus: What's wrong?

Bromia: Quid? Respice! Lais una cum hospite intervenit.

Bromia: Look behind you! Lais and our guest are coming to interrupt us.

Syrus: Enimvero hercule intempestive hic subsisto, postquam cubitu hos conspicor surrexise. Procurramus intro, Bromia!

Syrus: O lord, yes. I've stayed here too long.I see they've already risen from the table. Let's hurry in, Bromia.

Bromia: I prae, sequar.

Bromia: After you.

ACTVS TERTII SCAENA QVINTA

Act III Scene V

(Enter Acolastus and Lais.) (Enter Acolastus and Lais.)

Acolastus: Hem servule, quisquis es, ades dum! Paucis te volo.

Acolastus: Hi, boy, what's-your-name, wait a minute! I want a word with you.

(Returning.) (Returning.)

Syrus: Quid me vult hospes magnificus?

Syrus: I await your orders, noble guest.

Acolastus: Ut, dum siet tempus, voces nos ad repotia. Prodeambulabimus istic interim.

Acolastus: You are to let me know when it is time for the post-prandial carousel. Meanhwile we'll take a stroll out here.

Syrus: Factum puta! Nihil aliud vis?

Syrus: It's as good as done. Will there be anything else?

Lais: Manda, lectum ut dapsilem concinnet.

Lais: Order him to prepare a luxurious bed.

Acolastus: Heus, genialem insterni lectulum dehicn curato sodes, puer!

Acolastus: Here boy, have the bridal bed made up immediately.

Syrus: Curabitur promptissime.

Syrus: I'll see to it at once.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

Acolastus: Non possum, quin te amplectar, mea vita, mea voluptas unica.

Acolastus: O my life, my only joy, I cannot refrain from embracing you.

Lais: Amplectere libens, animule mi Acolaste!

Lais: Embrace me all you want, my darling Acolastus.

Acolastus: Nunc iuvat demum vivere, nunc deleo ex animo omnes aegritudines, postquam, o faciem pulchram, te contigit videre et adloqui, adesse in unis aedibus cibumque una capere. Da mihi suavium, si amas me, delicium meum!

Acolastus: Now for the first time I know the joy of life. Now that I have been granted the privilege of seeing you and talking to you, living with you under the same roof and sharing your meals, O my beautiful one, I banish all sorrow from my heart. If you love me, my sweet, give me a kiss.

Lais: Immo vel decme, ocelle mi.

Lais: Of course, my precious - ten kisses, if you like.

Acolastus: O libentias vitae, o deum voluptates! Quam vernant, quam lenocinantur omnia, quae in te et quae circum te video! Digna es, cui bene faxim libens. Quidquid possideo, tuum est.

Acolastus: O life's delight, o divine happiness! Everything I see in and about you is verdant and alluring. No wonder I long to shower you with gifts. Whatever I own is yours.

Lais: Habeo pol gratiam tibi, passercule mi.

Lais: Thanks ever so much, my dicky-bird.

Acolastus: Nunquid poscis? Quidquid id est, dabo. Vis aureum spinter, vis flammeum, vis armillas? Dabo.

Acolastus: As of me whatever you want, and I'll give it to you. Do you want a gold armlet? A kerchief? Bracelets? I'll give them to you.

Lais: Nihil horum volo.

Lais: No, I don't want any of these.

Acolastus: Vis aurum?

Acolastus: Money, then?

Lais: Torquem istum, mea mentula.

Lais: That necklace, cocky.

Acolastus: Et istuc et, si amplius optes quicquam dari, dabitur. Mihi enim negare amicae quidpiam religio est maxima. En accipe torquem hunc, aptandum collo tuo tornatili!

Acolastus: That necklace and anything else you desire, you shall have. It is a point of honor with me to deny my mistress nothing. Here, receive this chain to wear about your beautiful round neck.

Lais: Hem, mi dulcis pusio, quid iam? Satin placeo tibi?

Lais: Well, my darling boykin, what now? Don't you find me desirable?

Acolastus: Tune? Etiamsi nihil adiumenti ad pulchritudinem siet, forma Venerem exsuperas ipsam. Quid quod, Lais mea, rogo?

Acolastus: Desirable? Why, even if there were nothing to set off yoru beauty, you would be lovelier than Venus. My dear Lais, there's something I must ask you.

Lais: Quid, Acolaste?

Lais: What is that, Acolastus?

Acolastus: Num me ames?

Acolastus: Do you love me?

Lais: Ludis. Potius me non amen, quam tibi desit amor. Hoc tam verum crede, quam te vivere.

Lais: You're joking. Why, I'd sooner not love myself than stop loving you. Believe me, this is as true as you live.

Acolastus: Age, credo. Nai felix ego sum, qui Laidi placeam! Osculum, mea lux, hoc melle dulcius est. Meus, obsecro, sis animus, quando ego sum tuus.

Acolastus: Of course I believe it. Oh what a happy man I am to win the favor of Lais! Light of my life, your kiss is sweeter than honey. Give me your heart, since you have mine.

Lais: Certe nullus mihi carior Acolasto.

Lais: Truly, there's no one darer to me than Acolastus.

Acolastus: Te vicissim amplector pro dimidio animae meae. O molles dactyli, o genae libentes, heia ut elegans es!

Acolastus: And I, for my part, cherish you as the half of my soul. What gentle fingers, what soft cheeks, what grace you have!

Lais: Quis te quoque spernat, Veneris catellae?

Lais: You're not exactly repulsive yourself, my little lap-dog.

Acolastus: At uror intime, o mea festivitas.

Acolastus: O my joy, I'm consumed with the fire of love.

Lais: Locus est, ubi ardorem hunc tuum exstilles. Quid suspiras, corculum?

Lais: You'll have a chance to cool those flames. Why do you sigh, dear little heart?

Acolastus: Te, faustitas mea! Tu pol meum mihi iecur ulceras amoribus.

Acolastus: Because of you, my only happiness. You stab my very soul with desire.

(Enter Syrus.) (Enter Syrus.)

Syrus: Ita ut iussisti, hospes, toros instruximus. Quando voles, comissatum intro concede. Omnia sunt apparata.

Syrus: Sir, I have prepared the bed as you ordered. Whenever you are disposed, go in and make merry. Everything is ready.

(Going out.) (Going out.)

Acolastus: Ehodum ad me!

Acolastus: Come back here!

(Syrus returns.) (Syrus returns.)

Acolastus: Servus tu quidem spectatus es satis, cui res mea curae sit: cape hoc donarium!

Acolastus: You have proved yourself a servant loyal to my interests. Take your reward!

(Gives him money.) (Gives him money.)

Syrus: Bonus hercle es vir et perliberalis. Perpetuo me tibi facis devinctum hoc beneficio tuo; deos quaeso, ut salvus sies nobis in multam aetatem.

Syrus: By God, sir, you're a fine and generous master. Your kindness has bound me to you forever. Heaven grant you a long life!

(Aside.) (Aside.)

Syrus: Quam saepe accidunt, quae non ausis sperare! Furtum meditanti in sinus inlabitur aurum praeter spem. Salvus sum.

Syrus: How often things turn out differently from what we dare to expect! Here was I secretly planning to steal, and out of the blue money flows into my hands. I'm saved!

(Exit.) (Exit.)

Acolastus: Iamne imus, meum nectar, meum mel?

Acolastus: Now, shall we go in, my honey, my sweet?

Lais: Quando vis: nulla in me erit mora.

Lais: Whenever you wish. I shan't hold back

Acolastus: Abeamus, hanc solidam noctem consecratum Veneri.

Acolastus: Let's go then, and dedicate the livelong night to Venus.

Lais: Placet.

Lais: That'll be lovely.

(Exeunt.) (Exeunt.)

ACTVS QVARTI SCAENA PRIMA

Act IV Scene I

(Enter Pamphagus.) (Enter Pamphagus.)

Pamphagus: Itan ad clarum dormivi diem? Nox multa adhuc meis est oculis: eiciundus hercle est iste veternus ab animo, intendendi sunt nervi quaestui nostro. Sed nausea quae tanta stomacho? Quidnam haec oscitatio vult? Extendere hos nervos nunc demum iuvat, iuvat et oculis propellere somnum. Quid? An rustas etiam, Pamphage, crapulam hesternam? Insolens istuc quidem facis. Valens stomachus, cui et cruda concoquit. Quid? An acidis opus erit inulis, quae mihi fastidia extundant? Opinor latrare stomachum impranso, ut assolet. Saburra enim ventris nunquam tantum memini gravarier, ut eam egerere stomacho esset opus, ubi ipsam Aetnam circumfero. Sed heus! Pantolabumne tam mane, qui heri tantum biberit? Hem!

Pamphagus: Have I really slept through till broad daylight? As far as my eyes are concerned there's stil a good deal of night left. I must shake off this sluggishness and make a strenuous effort to get down to business. If only my stomach didn't heave so! and if only I didn't keep yawning like this. I must make every effort to drive the sleep out of my eyes. Ugh! Getting another taste of that wine you drank last night, eh Pamphagus? Well, it's a long time since you've done this. It takes a strong stomach to deal with the food it couldn't digest. Now, don't tell me I need bittere elecampane to give me an appetite! I believe my stomach's barking for food, as usual. I don't ever remember being so overweighted with belly-ballast that I had to discharge it from my gullet, even if it was as heavy as Aetna. But what's this? Pantolabus up so early, after all the drinking he did yesterday? Well, well!

ACTVS IV. SCAENA II.

Act IV Scene II

(Enter Pantolabus.) (Enter Pantolabus.)

Pantolabus: O salve, columen ordinis parasitici!

Pantolabus: O greetings, pilar of the Order of Parasites!

Pamphagus: Salve, o primum decus sectae Gnathonicae!

Pamphagus: Greetings, o principal ornament of the Gnathonic school!

(Aside, ironically.) (Aside, ironically.)

Pantolabus: Mutuum muli scabunt sane festiviter, mutuum dum testimonium invicem damus.

Pantolabus: You scratch my backside, and I'll scratch yours!

Pamphagus: Pantolabe, ecquid placuit hesterna epulatio?

Pamphagus: Pantolabus, how did you like the feast yesterday?

Pantolabus: Nunquam quidem cenavi, quod sciam, unctius. Gulam opplevi meam usque ad summum dapsili luxu. Quid tu?

Pantolabus: Honestly, in all my experience I've never enjoyed a more sumptuous dinner. I crammed my gullet to the top with rich food. And you?

Pamphagus: Genio ipse indulsi maxime. Non possum, summa quin circumlingam labra. Mel Atticum sapiunt hesterni iusculi reliquiae.

Pamphagus: I gave my appetite free rein. I keep having to lick my lips to taste the remains of yesterday's broth. It was as delicious as the honey of Hymettus.

Pantolabus: Pol dentes et mihi volupe est iugi suctu macerare. Quin nidorem carnium uncti supreme digiti offundunt naribus.

Pantolabus: Frankly, I've had so much pleasure sucking the food from between my teeth they're getting loose. Not to mention the rich odour of meat I sniff from my greasy fingertips.

Pamphagus: I nunc et somnia inride posthac mea!

Pamphagus: After this, just let me hear you making fun of my ream!

Pantolabus: Non arbitrabar istuc, mi Pamphage, fore. Felices, qui tam propitium habuimus Comum.

Pantolabus: My dear Pamphagus, I didn't believe it could possibly come true. How happy are the worshippers of so generous a Comus!

Pamphagus: Quid? Agnoscis etiam, per quem huc promoveris?

Pamphagus: Comus, indeed! Don't you know who's responsible for your advancement?

Pantolabus: Dis te patrono factus sum, mi Pamphage, ex mendico.

Pantolabus: It is through your patronage, my dear Pamphagus, that I am transformed from a beggar into a god.

Pamphagus: Libens feci.

Pamphagus: It has pleased me to do this.

Pantolabus: Est, quod gestiam.

Pantolabus: I have good cuase to rejoice.

Pamphagus: Est, qudo triumphem.

Pamphagus: I have good cause to exult.

Pantolabus: Io, Liber pater!

Pantolabus: Hail, father Bacchus!

Pamphagus: Io, io, Ceres!

Pamphagus: Hail, Ceres!

Pantolabus: Age ineamus, quaeso, cantiunculam, qualem sonant Euanti Thyiades!

Pantolabus: Come, let us begin a song of praise, such as the Bacchantes sing to their god.

Pamphagus: Gaudia servemus ista vespertinis horulis, quibus voluptabitur hospes cum Laide. Incoctus stomacho sic extundatur cibus in proximam cenam. Ieiunos haud decet stultescere tripudiis.

Pamphagus: Let us reserve our celebration till late in the evening, when our guest will be enjoying the charms of Lais. By then our stomachswill have digested their food and we'll be at our next meal. In the meantime, it is not proper for fasting men to play the fool by dancing.

Pantolabus: Sapidissime mones. Quid nunc fiet?

Pantolabus: You give most sage advice. What happens next?

Pamphagus: Quod somnii portenderat pars reliqua.

Pamphagus: What was foretold by the second half of my dream.

Pantolabus: Quid id est?

Pantolabus: What's that?

Pamphagus: Num meministi?

Pamphagus: Don't you remember?

Pantolabus: Nihil.

Pantolabus: Not a thing.

Pamphagus: Dolosa ut alea huius loculos atteram.

Pamphagus: Why, that I should thin thsi man's purse with crooked dice.

Pantolabus: Communi num nam id fiet sorte, Pamphage?

Pantolabus: Do we go shares in the proceeds, Pamphagus?

Pamphagus: Fiet.

Pamphagus: we do.

Pantolabus: Merito te amo et colo.

Pantolabus: You are worthy of my love and devotion.

Pamphagus: Fac interim curetur prandium et cella penuaria.

Pamphagus: Meanwhile, you see to it that there are plenty of provisions for lunch.

Pantolabus: Faciam. Quid hic habes?

Pantolabus: Right. What have you got there?

(Showing him.) (Showing him.)

Pamphagus: Lucrosas aleas. Nostin?

Pamphagus: Loaded dice. Do you know them?

Pantolabus: Novi et sensi talos bene polypos, quibus facultatem bona pars periit mihi.

Pantolabus: I ought to - the octopuses! They've eaten up most of my property.

Pamphagus: Nisi fallor, audio screantem Acolastum. Vale!

Pamphagus: Listen, I believe I hear Acolastus clearing his throat. See you later!

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS QVARTI. SCAENA TERTIA.

Act IV Scene III

(Alone.) (Alone.)

Pantolabus: Abiit homo, ut istius pecuniam emungat omnem. Tot callet artes, tot dolos novit. Principio, dum aleam ludit, satis fingit se ludi indoctum, nonnunquam et manus blande remittit, quare velut hamo inlicit pisces esca praetento. Mox ubi incalet lusor, cupidini lucri auctioris incumbens, pecuniae omnes grumos aleae in lusum coniectos iactu uno facit suos. Quippe lucrosam presso pollice Venerem mittit, quoties vult, tam caniculae imperat, iactu ut ne cadat damnosa, id quod meo dudum didici malo, qui hic perdidi facultates meas; ictus piscator sapio. Verum hospes amissa re protrudetur foras, dura in quem fient exempla, timeo. Quid dixi timere me? Immo gaudeo, quod minus laedant communia mala. Quin adiutor accedam miseriae illius, quando res feret. Cur non mihi quoque liceat in alios, quod ipsorum de me licuit licentiae? Sed heus exit a nobis nescio quis. Si leno sit, miror. Certe, ipsus est. Quid, quod commotus apparet?

Pantolabus: There he goes, to clean that fellow of all his money. He is skilled in so many arts and crafts! When he plays at dice he first pretends, quite convincingly, that he doesn't understand the game, and sometimes even relinquishes his stake in a guileless sort of way. This is how he baits his hook to catch the silly fish. Then when the other player grows excited, greedily intent on winning more, and has staked all his money on the game, with a single throw Pamphagus wins it all. For he can so control the dice with his thumb that he throws sixes as often as he pleases. And on the other hand he make certain he does not throw aces, which are ruinous, as I have learned to my sorrow, since they cost me my fortune. Well, once hooked twice shy. But our guest, when he has lost his money, will be thrown out of the house and will prove a terrible warning to others, I'm afraid. Afraid, did I say? Delighted, rather. Shared pain hurts less. In fact I'll lend a hand in promotign his misfortune, when the occasion arises. Why shouldn't I have a right to do to others what others have done to me? But lok, somebody is coming out of the house. I wonder if it's the pimp, Sannio. Yes, it is. What can have put him in such a state of excitement?

ACTVS QVARTI SCAENA QVARTA

Act IV Scene IV

(Enter Sannio.) (Enter Sannio.)

Sannio: Dii immortales, quod hoc proluvium est, quae istaec tanta largitas! Salus si cupiat ipsa, on possit servare istunc virum.

Sannio: Ye immortal gods, what excessive, what monstrous prodigality I've seen! Why the Goddes Safety herself couldn't save that man if she wanted to!

Pantolabus: Mi Sannio, cuius quaeso viri casum miseraris?

Pantolabus: My dear Sannio, whose fall are you lamenting?

Sannio: Hospitis.

Sannio: Our guest's.

Pantolabus: Quid ille?

Pantolabus: What's he done?

Sannio: Rem omnem amisit alea.

Sannio: He's lost everything he owns at dice.

Pantolabus: Cuius captus dolis?

Pantolabus: Who cheated him of it?

Sannio: Cuius censes nisi Pamphagi!

Sannio: Pamphagus, of course, who do you think?

Pantolabus: Dixin fore? O versutias hominis versipellis! Sed quid Acolastus?

Pantolabus: Didn't I say this would happen? O the cunning of the shifty bastard! What's Acolastus doing?

Sannio: Perplexus iacet in fermento.

Sannio: He's prostrate in a torment of confusion.

Pantolabus: Censen vero hominem hic diu durare posse?

Pantolabus: Do you think the man can remain here any longer?

Sannio: Non equidem arbitror. Nam proximum est, ut vel miser hospes prae inopia fugiat aliquo vel finiat vitam laqueo, non vivere malens quam misere vivere.

Sannio: Impossible. The next step is for our wretched guest either to be driven out by poverty or to hang himself, preferring to die rather than be a beggar.

(Enter Pamphagus.) (Enter Pamphagus.)

Pamphagus: Iamne erumpere hoc mihi gaudium licet? Pro Mercuri, quam dextro me adspexisti sidere! Nunquam satis vos conlaudem meos talos; vobis enim debeo, meam quod tuear vitam ab inedia. Sic censeo capiundos esse adulescentes istos pecunia ebrios.

Pamphagus: Who could blame me if I burst with joy? O Mercury, god of thieves, how auspiciously you have smiled on me. And you, my dice, I can never sufficiently extol you. For you are the means by which I am preserved from starvation. And this is how one should trap young men who are besotted with wealth.

Pantolabus: Quis hic tam procaciter insultat dulci fortuna ebriui?

Pantolabus: Who's this boasting so insolently of his good fortune?

Pamphagus: Sed ubi mihi nunc Pantolabus est, cogito -

Pamphagus: But now I must find Pantolabus -

Pantolabus: Me nominat.

Pantolabus: He's talking about me.

Pamphagus: Ut huius gaudii ile particeps fiat.

Pamphagus: So I can share my joy with him.

Pantolabus: Quid, Pamphage, quid gestis, obsecro?

Pantolabus: Pamphagus, I say, what's all that shouting about?

Pamphagus: Quid gestiam, rogas? Feliciter cecidit alea. Viden loculos, ut auro multo turgeant?

Pamphagus: What's it all about? I've been lucky with the dice. Look at my purse - see how it bulges with money?

Pantolabus: Festivum caput! Amabo, num nam lucrum tecum partiar, ut convenit?

Pantolabus: My dear friend! Please, am I not to have a share of your winnings, as we agreed?

Pamphagus: Non pugnabimus istic.

Pamphagus: We won't quarrel about that.

Sannio: Meis in aedibus tibi parta res est. Quare, quod hic ius publicum est, redde!

Sannio: You found the money in my house. According to our law, it belongs to me, so hand it over

Pamphagus: Accipe praedae partem, quo post queam integra uti amicitia tua!

Pamphagus: Here, take a part of the booty. Let's remain friends - you may be usefulto me another time.

Sannio: Quis solvet ius hospiti?

Sannio: Who's going to pay the stranger's bill?

Pamphagus: Quid id autem mea?

Pamphagus: What's that to me?

Sannio: In aedes meas tu introduxti hominem.

Sannio: You brought him to my house.

Pamphagus: Sunt ei vestes.

Pamphagus: He's got clothes.

Sannio: Quid tum?

Sannio: So what?

Pamphagus: Illas exue Axrimaton nebulonem! Quod si illinc nihil resolvitur, redito ad me. Faciam, ne quid querare.

Pamphagus: Strip the impoverished rascal! And if that doesn't pay the bill, come back to me. I'll see you have no cause for complaint.

Sannio: Ubi decoctor est?

Sannio: Where is the bankrupt?

Pamphagus: Ab alveo intro proruit commotus Laidis, nisi fallor, fruendae gratia, dolorem complexu ut levet.

Pamphagus: He left the gaming table in a great passion and rushed indoors. My guess is he went straight to Lais to seek comfort in her arms.

Sannio: Abeo, ut meum ius postulem.

Sannio: I'll go and demand my rights.

(Goes towards the door of the inn.) (Goes towards the door of the inn.)

Pantolabus: Age Pamphage, sortem mihi face dividuam!

Pantolabus: Come on Pamphagus, divvy up!

Pamphagus: Ne nihil habeas, cape!

Pamphagus: Just so you'll have something, here - catch!

Pantolabus: Tantillum?

Pantolabus: Is that all?

Pamphagus: Non amplius.

Pamphagus: Not a penny more.

Pantolabus: An haec promissa fides est?

Pantolabus: Is this how you keep your word?

Pamphagus: Inritor, ni desinas.

Pamphagus: Shut up, or I'll lose my temper.

(At the inn door.) (At the inn door.)

Sannio: Papae! Rixantes audio, quos animis rebar coniunctos bene.

Sannio: Well, this is amazing! I can hear them quarrelling - and I thought they were such a loving couple!

Pamphagus: Quos?

Pamphagus: Who?

Sannio: Istos. De plumis amator surdae fit supplex Laidi. Vos adiutate me, precor, o boni, ut resolvat debita!

Sannio: Those two. The young cock whose feathers you've just plucked is pleading with Lais, but she won't listen to him. I beg you, gentlemen, help me make him pay what he owes me!

Pantolabus: Age dum, fores stipemus, ne effugiat hodie nostras manus!

Pantolabus: Come on, let's crowd around the door, so he won't slip through our fingers.

ACTVS QVARTA SCAENA QVINTA

Act IV Scene V

(Enter Lais, Acolastus, and Syra.) (Enter Lais, Acolastus, and Syra.)

Lais: Quin solvis noctem, sceleste?

Lais: Aren't you going to pay me for last night, you rascal?

Acolastus: Quaeso te, Lais mea.

Acolastus: Please, my dear Lais -

Lais: Quid Lais mea? An tibi adeo digna videor, quam dolis sic inludas et spe vana producas?

Lais: Don't 'dear Lais' me! Do you think I'm the kind of girl you can make a fool of with your lies and empty promises?

Acolastus: Numerabitur aurum tibi.

Acolastus: You'll get your money.

Lais: Quando? Ad Graecas Kalendas?

Lais: When? In a month of Sundays, I suppose.

Acolastus: Non, sed ad-

Acolastus: No, but -

Lais: Satis iam diu dedisti verba nobis.

Lais: I've had enough of your double talk.

Acolastus: Audi, obsecro te!

Acolastus: I beg you to listen!

Lais: Quem audiam? Quid audiam?

Lais: Listen to whom? Listen to what?

Acolastus: Quaeso paulisper.

Acolastus: Just give me a moment.

Lais: Hem Syra!

Lais: Here, Syra!

Syra: Quid vis?

Syra: What d'you want?

Lais: Vestem huic detractam!

Lais: I want you to pull off this man's clothing.

Syra: Quid ita?

Syra: What for?

Lais: Quia libet. Cape vestem!

Lais: Because I say so. Catch hold of it!

Acolastus: Itan, Lais?

Acolastus: Oh Lais, how could you!

(They pull off part of his clothing.) (They pull off part of his clothing.)

Sannio: Mea hic res agitur. Hem Lais, satis hoc sit exuvium tibi, mihi cedant hae manubiae, ensis cum pileo.

Sannio: It's time I took a hand in this. Here, Lais, you be satisfied with your booty. Now it's my turn. I'll take this as my share of the plunder: his sword and cap

(He takes them.) (He takes them.)

Pantolabus: Quod reliquum est praedae, nostrum est. Exue!

Pantolabus: The rest of the spoils belong to us. Off they come!

(Stripping off most of the remainder of Acolastus' clothing.) (Stripping off most of the remainder of Acolastus' clothing.)

Acolastus: Vis quidem est haec, osbecro, o populares!

Acolastus: Help, citizens, save me from this violence!

Pantolabus: Quin os comprimis?

Pantolabus: Shut your mouth, will you?

Acolastus: Haecine fieri flagitia in libera civitate? Vah, totus deglubor miser. Num nam relinquetis mihi amiculum?

Acolastus: How can such an outrage occur in a free city? Oh what a miserable wretch I am! They're skining me alive! Won't you even leave me a cloak?

Pantolabus: I sane iam, quo vis!

Pantolabus: Now, clear off!

Sannio: Vapula!

Sannio: And be hanged!

Acolastus: Hei hoi, verbera insuper misero additis?

Acolastus: Oh! Oh! Are yougoing to add hanging to my other miseries?

(To the others.) (To the others.)

Sannio: Devertite ad me omnes simul!

Sannio: Come on, you can all stay at my house.

Lais: Heus tu nebulo, respice ad me! Vestitum hunc depexum habe!

Lais: Hi, you miserable wretch. Want something to wear? Here's a belt.

(She hits him. Exeunt all but Acolastus) (She hits him. Exeunt all but Acolastus)

ACTVS QVARTA SCAENA SEXTA

Act IV Scene VI

(Alone.) (Alone.)

Acolastus: Quid nunc agam, quid clamem aut unde exordiar telam querendi? O caelum, o terra! Iuppiter, adspicis haec et patere, quem dicunt hospiti dare iura? Tam multae res me circumsident, quae me adflictent male, ut, ubi sim, quo eam, rei quid coeptem, nesciam. Perii, interii miser. Ex rege nummato ampliter repente inops mendicus: quis ferat? Mirum, ni lumina mihi exsculpam. Vestitus ubi? Periit. Meus ubi torques aureus? Periit. Pecuniae ubi tanta vis? Periit. Valetudo nihil ne attrita est? Haud libet meminisse. Pauperem quis me tecto dignabitur? Hem, tandem mihi tellus fodienda aut stips mendicanda est? Negant illus vires exhaustae et hoc prohibet pudor. Accedit et malis meis, quod durior fames totam regionem occupet, ut nesciam, si quis me admissurus sit ad cenae suae micas. Fame inteream oportet. Sed cui malum hoc feram acceptum? Illis, qui me inlexerunt nimis dolose in fraudes, an mihi, qui auscultaverim, an irato meo genio, qui me his malis conclusit? Quam novercaris, Rhamnusia! Quam me deorum ira adflictat male! Hei mihi! Sed frustra quiritor hic, ubi nemo audiat. Id solum restat, fata ut quo me cumque agant eo nunc errans subsequar. O dolor, dolor! Ut dii vos male perdant, lupae obscenissimae, quibus servivi turpiter! Sed commodum a villa rusticus venit; istunc adoriar pudore posito, ut qui mihi sit inutilis.

Acolastus: What am I to do now? What sort of outcry shall I make? How shall I begin my complaint? O heaven and earth! Jupiter, you who administer the laws of hospitality, can you look upon my injustices and suffer them to be? I am so encompassed and cast down by circumstances that I know not where I am, nor where to go, nor where to begin. I am ruined, I am undone. I who was a wealthy monarch have suddenly become a penniless beggar. How can I endure it? It's a wonder I don't tear out my eyes. Where is my raiment? Vanished. Wehre is my gold necklace? Vanished. My money, that I had in such abundance, where is it? Vanished. Even in physical health am I not wasted? Let me not remember what I was! In my poverty, who will deign to give me shelter? Alas, must I learn at lastto earn my bread by digging or bed for alms? I am too exhausted for the one, and ashamed to do the other. And to add to my misery, this whole region is in the grip of famine, so I don't suppose anyone will spare me even the crumbs from his table. I must surely die of hunger. Now, whom have I to thank for this calamity? Shall I blame those who trapped me with their crafty lies, or myself for listening to them? Or shall I say that it is my evil gneius who has encompassed me with these misfortunes? O Nemesis, you are cruel as a step mother! See how I am persecuted by the anger of the gods! Oh me! But what's the use of lamenting here, where there's no one to listen to me. All that's left for me to do is follow that road, wherever it may lead, along which it pleases fate to carry me. O misery, misery! As for you, you filthy whores, who held me in shameful slavery, may the gods destroy you utterly! But look, here comes one of the country folk from his farm just in time. I'll accost him, and forgot my shame. That won't help me now.

ACTVS QVARTA SCAENA SEPTIMA

Act IV Scene VII.

(Enter Chremes.) (Enter Chremes.)

(Soliloquizing) (Soliloquizing)

Chremes: Ex villula mea tantm reportare solitus eram proventuum, ut satis vitae necessitati illinc reponeretur. Sed quia nunc in partu ager est remissior, pingui porca tellurem censeo piandum esse, ut ruri cuncta provenire det multo felicius quam dudum, cum boves omnes ad unum abortirent segesque constanti robigine vitiata non daret messem, quae res peperit nobis penuriam annonae. Omen sinistrum, hic magnus nebulo stat. Quid vult?

Chremes: My little farm used to yield crops enough to provide the necessities of life. But now the fields are less fertile, so I think I had better propitiate the earth god with the sacrifice of a fat sow, in hope that he may grant me a good deal more luck with my farm than I've enjoyed just lately. What with every one of my cows miscarrying, and and my corn so spoiled by rust I reap no harvest, we've got to the point where we've hardly enough to eat. Ha! A bad omen - that great rascal there. I wonder what he wants?

Acolastus: Colone, salve plurimum!

Acolastus: I wish you good health, husbandman.

Chremes: Satis dudum salveo, si non etiam tu mihi salutem des. Quid vis?

Chremes: I was healthy enough without your good wishes. What do you want?

Acolastus: Precor, ut haedi, boves, oves, caprae tibi fetus edant pro voto tuo.

Acolastus: I pray that your goats, cattle and sheep may be as fruitful as you could wish for.

Chremes: Faxit ita Pan noster! Vale.

Chremes: I hope our god, Pan, will answer your prayer. Farewell.

(Writhing and holding his hands to his stomach) (Writhing and holding his hands to his stomach)

Acolastus: Quaeso, audias pauca, priusquam abis.

Acolastus: I beseech you, before you go, hear me a moment.

Chremes: Nunquid te torquet autem?

Chremes: What's tormenting you so?

Acolastus: Ingens fames.

Acolastus: I'm terribly hungry.

Chremes: Credo, grassatur illa multorum in faucibus.

Chremes: I don't doubt it. Many people are in the same condition.

Acolastus: Nunc te oro, eam leves pane atro vel furfure.

Acolastus: I beg you to allay my pangs with some black bread or bran.

Chremes: Otiosus es totus, proinde indignus, cui victus detur.

Chremes: You're a thoroughly idle fellow. Why should I give you food?

Acolastus: At nullus me vocat ad operas. Quodsi ullo tuo ex usu queam esse, non detrecto manus meas duro operi locare pro tolerabili victu.

Acolastus: But I can't find work. Now if I could be useful to you I wouldn't turn down any job, however hard, that would earn me a decent meal.

Chremes: Sequere me ablegandus mxo ad meos porcos, ut eos agas. Te dignum commeatum addam.

Chremes: Come along with me. I'll send you out presently to herd my pigs, and I'll see you get enough to eat.

Acolastus: Sequor.

Acolastus: I'm with you.

(Aside) (Aside)

Acolastus: Vah, ab equis ad asinos! Non magis credas fortunae vultui quam mobili vento.

Acolastus: Ugh! Fine promotion - from Pegasus to a pig. O never trust the smile of Fortune any more than you would trust the changing wind!

(Exeunt.) (Exeunt.)

ACTVS QVINTI SCAENA PRIMA

Act V Scene I

(Enter Pelargus and Eubulus.) (Enter Pelargus and Eubulus.)

Pelargus: Praesagit animus, nescio quod mihi imminerere tristius.

Pelargus: I have a feeling I am about to be visited by some misfortune.

Eubulus: De quo?

Eubulus: Waht sort of misfortune?

Pelargus: De filio, Eubule.

Pelargus: One involving my son, Eubulus.

Eubulus: Nimis suspiciosus es, Pelarge: quo quid aliud quam malum conduplicas tibi? Neque enim formidine ulla arcere potes malum foribus tuis. Quid autem est, quod te sollicitat? Cedo!

Eubulus: You are too pessimistic, Pelargus. And the only effect is that you double your misery. Fear is no scarecrow to keep off evil. But what are you worried about? Out with it!

Pelargus: Ne ille algeat neu vitam misere trahat in sordibus.

Pelargus: I keep seeing him leading a miserable life of cold and squalor.

Eubulus: Quaeso, unde has colligis suspiciones?

Eubulus: And, pray, what has given you this notion?

Pelargus: Primum ominis tui nequeo obliviscier. Hinc ante oculos meos subinde adstare visus filius, Pannosus, sentus, squalidus, monogrammos, fletibus largis oppletus lumina, voces unde hausi maestissimas. Postremo vereor, quid sit, quod de ipso nihil audiam, nisi mortuus est. Quid censes?

Pelargus: First of all, I can't forget your prediction that he would be shipwrecked. I seem to see my son standing here before me, ragged, unshaven, filthy, emaciated, his eyes brimming with tears. And in that condition I hearhim crying out most piteously. Finaly, I am afraid tht the reason I've heard nothing about him must be that he is dead. What do you think?

Eubulus: Proximum esse nuntium, statum gnati qui commemoret, quis sit. Proin desinas metum.

Eubulus: I think that any time now you are going to rceive word as to the actual conditon of your boy. So stop worrying.

Pelargus: Curae est mihi haud secus ac oculi pupilla. Quin pariter cum hoc eo me adfligi interpretor, quoies illi quicquam est aegre, quia hoc, inquam, patrium est, communia mala bonaque ducere. Hoc qui nescit, fateatur se indignum esse patris nomine.

Pelargus: But he's the very apple of my eye. And indeed, whenever things go badly for him I find myself suffering with him. I consider this is the true spirit of a father: the ability to share the bad as well as the good. Any father who doesn't know that shows that he is unworthy of the name.

Eubulus: Nempe, ut dicis. Sed modus est in re qualibet optimus.

Eubulus: To be sure, you're right. But there is a limit to everything.

Pelargus: Est, si queam adseque.

Pelargus: That's true, but one must learn to recognize it.

Eubulus: Velis solum dolorem ponere: facile quieverit.

Eubulus: If you will just make up your mind to repres your grief, it will cease to trouble you.

Pelargus: Alios nescio; sed evenit mihi quidem, ut aegritudo quotidie magis de filio augescat; tantum abest, dies ut adimat aegritudinem. Nam quanto estdiutius, hoc magis cupio, tanto et magis desidero.

Pelargus: I don't know how it is with others, but I find there is no truth in the saying 'Time dulls the edge of sorrow.' The longer my son is absent, the more I miss him, the more I long to see him.

Eubulus: Pelarge, quod animus iamdudum dictitat, haud longe abesse nuntium, haud vanum puto. Abiero igitur ad portitores, ex quibus forsan discam omnia. Tu me interea domi operitor, mox huc revolavero.

Eubulus: Pelargus, some time ago I felt in my bones that you would soon be hearing of your son. I believe I was right. I am going down to the harbor now and question te customs inspectors. They may be able to give me all the news of him. You wait for me here at home. I'll soon be back.

Pelargus: Faciam.

Pelargus: Very well.

(Exit Eubulus.) (Exit Eubulus.)

Pelargus: Quam suspicioso nunc sum animo! Omnia timeo neque quicquam timeo. Seditiosus plane cordis mei senatus est, in quo nhil consilii consistere queat. Ita ut fit, ubi, quod impense cupis, times ne non tibi adversum eveniat. Inter spem et metum haereo, huc me conicit gnatus, cuius salutem, quam accuro, vereor nimis deploratum esse. Ut omnia plena sunt periculis, dolis, labe, maculis et pestibus, quoquo versum respexeris! Domi nunc desidere certum est, dum Eubulus redeat meus.

Pelargus: My heart is full of mistrust! I fear everything and nothing. My mind in council is so embroiled in civil war that it can reach no decision. It's just as they say: the greater the hope, the greater the fear I hang between the two. That is the state my son has reduced me to. I am concerned about his welfare, and I am deeply afraid he must be given up for lost. Only look at the world, and see how full it is of pitfalls, deceit, misfortune and disaster. Now I must return to my home and wait for Eubulus.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS QVINTI SCAENA SECVNDA

Act V Scene II

(Enter Acolastus.) (Enter Acolastus.)

Acolastus: Quis tam durae est mentis, quem non deiecerit in luctum et lacrimas Fortunae acerbior casus! Argentum, quod rebar dum mihi fore immortale, vah, quam puncto temporis periit! Luxuria, Inopiae mater, quam mihi amicam habue unice caram, omnia abstulit: rem, nomen, amicos, gloriam, quid non? Quia vero nunc non est, unde ipsa alatur, suam mihi reliquit gnatam Inopiam. Vivus, videns pereo. Ubi nunc tuceta sunt et splendidae dapes? Ubi vinum mire fragrans? Ubi tibicines et omne genus modulaminum? Ubi clientes? Profecto hoc vere dicitur: fortuna vitreaest, quae, cum splendet, frangitur. Canistellum hoc penum dedit parcissimum, et eundem sordidissimum; quod cum siet exhaustum, quid reliquum est, nisi ut aqualiculus siliquas mihi det cum porcis communes, prius quam totus inteream Saguntina fame? Itane subulcus hic regno Boeoticas inter sues, rex pridem splendidissimus? Miser nemo est aeque atque ego. Nunc, nunc postulem frugi esse, nisi nequiquam hoc postulem bonis amissis omnibus. Quid faciam igitur? In sordibus istis oportet sordescam magis ac magis, unde emergendi spes mihi nulla sit. Utinam in matris nixu occubuissem infantulus, utinam invisam hanc lucem licuisset rumpere potisu, quam vitam in tantis aerumnis traham! Neque sciam, si meliora etiam instent mortuo. Ego mihi montis ardui casum imprecer, qui me perdat: tam non suave est vivere. Mortis simulacrum qui volet videre, me contempletur. Quid enim vivum in me advertitur? Quid sum praeter mutum pecus et sine pectore corpus? Vae luci, vae natalibus meis! Taedet caeli convexa contuerier amplius. Nam ut unda supervenit undam, ita alii fluctui curarum insistit aliusl aestuans mare pectus meum dicas ex vero nomine. Num me deorum quisquam respicit, quibus tam sum neglectui? Haud equidem arbitror.

Acolastus: Is there anyone so hard-hearted that he would not be moved to tears by seeing a man suffer a harsh change of fortune? Just now I thought my money would last forever. But oh no, it has vanished! Luxury, mother of poverty, whom I cherished as my very best beloved, has taken eveything from me: wealth, god name, friends, honor, what you will. For now that I can offer her no means of support, she has gone and left me her daughter. I endure a living death. Where now are my stuffed meats, my magnificent banquets? Where is my wine with its rare bouquet? What has become of my flute platers and all the rest of my musicians? Where are my followers? There is nothing but truth in the odl saying: 'Fortune is glass - even as it shines, it shatters.' This lunch-basket hsa yielded very meagre rations, and of the vilest sort. When I have emptied it, what choice have I except to feed on husks like the swine, or die of starvation like a beleaguered garrison? Can it be that I am the swineherd who here lords it over Boeotian swine, I who of old was a glorious king? There is no oen so wretched as I. Oh now at last I would pray for the gift of frugality - if it weren't that I've lost all my money. So now what do I do? What can I do in my filthy state but sink deeper and deeper into filth, with no hope of ever extricating myself? Would that I had died when my mother laboured to give me birth. Would that I might quench my light so that I need not drag out a life filled with misery! And yet how can I tel if death offers anything better? I pray that a lofty mountain may fall on me and crush me to death - so much has life lost its flavor. If you want to see an image of death, look at me. What sign of life is there in me? What am I more than a dumb beast, a body without a soul? I shun the light, I curse the day I was born! I am weary of looking further upon the vault of heaven. For as one wave of the sea overtakes another, so there floods in upon me wave upon wave of sorrow. It would be no exaggeration to call my mind a raging sea. The gods have shown themselves so indifferent to my fate, I do not believe there is one of them who cares what happens to me (Exit.)

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS QVINTI SCAENA TERTIA

Act V Scene III

(Enter Eubulus.) (Enter Eubulus.)

Eubulus: Est istuc datum mihi, ut nusquam non recte consulam atque videam non solum, quae sunt ante pedis obvia. Verum et, quae procul ventura sint, prospiciam longius. Veni ad portitores, ut, quae de Pelargi filio fama narraret publica, cognoscerem, quandod id patrem mire sollicitum teneret. Quid multis ago? Comperi neutiquam falsa esse, quae nuper de ipso dedi omina: scilicet Acolastus ad paupertatem pertractus est adeo paenitendam, ut ad fruges non possit corrigi. Taceo, quae de eo graviora audivi. Quid restat, nisi ut Pelargum repetam, qui curis se adflictat improbis? Nam me, scio, sollicitus exspectat, dum ad se redeam domum.

Eubulus: I have been endowed with a certain remarkable talent, and it is this: my advice is always sound, and not only can I see what is right in front of my nose, I can also foresee what is approaching a long way off. I came to the customs house to find out if there were any rumors about Pelargus' son, because this question keeps his father in terrible anxiety. Not to make a long story of it, I learned that my recent prediction concerning him was completely accurate. There is no dobut that Acolastus has been reduced to such a shameful state of poverty that he is past all hope of restoration. (Not to mention graver news I heard of him.) Now al that remains is for me to go back to Pelargus, who sinfully persists in tormenting himself with grief. I know he is awiting, full of anxiety, until I return to his home.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS QVINTI SCAENA QVARTA

Act V Scene IV

(Enter Acolastus.) (Enter Acolastus.)

Acolastus: Sceleratae mentis carnificina, vah, quibus me excruciat modis, ut nusquam sit locus quietae menti! Plumbum gestare videor in pectore. Adeo gravi intus pondere torqueor. An nunquam desinent oculis meis mala mea et, quae admisi turpiter, obversarier? Quae de ineris narrantur, fabulosa sunt omnia, si non veros experior inferos. Egomet me concoquo, exedo atque etiam exsecror. Dignus sum, quem ima tellus dehiscat ob meam iniustitiam, quae tanta est, ut non audeam unquam mihi sperare veniam a patre. Nam eius lene imperium reieci perfidus, unde abdicatus mox deverti ad pessima quaeque flagitia. Rem omnem confregi turpiter luxu, infami alea; quid, quod scortis dedi! Merito quidem meo hanc inopem vitam incolo, inglorius vivo, patria careo. Adde, quod eam maculam incidi, quam nescio si eluam unquam, ut taceam, quod adspersi genus meum infamibus nois, quod fabula sum omnibus notis, amicis. Tum quid dicam de patre, in quem tot nominibus iniurius fui? Bonis cum corporis, tum animae mihi datis datorem contra, fateor, abusus sum impie. Ubi nunc, Philaute, consultor mihi es meus, dum consilium simul cum re amisi miser? Ut iussa patris cum sacro volumine legis contemnerem, idne auctor fueras mihi? Deos mihi iratos scio, qui auscultaverim. Porro super omnia intolerabilis est fames, quam gesto in utero, ubi et dolores excitat magnos, morte omni atrociorem. Nam neque siliquis neque caeno, quo immergor, sedare eam datur; dolor uteri manet, manet fames. Adeo nunquam nisi deterius habebo in hac regione; non video, quid restet consili. Heu me! Quot mercennarii in patris aedibus abundant panibus, dumego interim hic fame pereo! Quidvis possem illic facere et perpeti, ut ex calamitate hac tanta me extraham. Vel unus panis ibi hanc levaverit famem. Age, age, quid si patrios postliminio petam lares? Non ausim propterea, quod exsulem me illinc feci. Quid, si tentem, tum? Nihil egero. Qua fronte enim, quo ore, quibus vestibus redeam ad patrem nudus, sceleratus, impudens?

Acolastus: Oh, I am tortured in so many ways by the rack of a bad conscience that nowhere can I find peace of mind. I seem to carry about in my heart a lump of lead, so tormented am I by this weight within me. Must I be forever haunted by the sins I have committed or connived at? The stories that are told of hell are myths, all of them, if I myself am not now truly experiencing the torments of that place. I am scalded, I am eaten up by self-reproach - yes I call down curses on myself. I am one of the unjust for whom hell justly yawns, my sins are so great that I cannot posibly hope that my father will have mercy on me. For I faithlessly threw off his gentle dominion, and when I had exiled myself soon turned to all manner of shameful practices, of the worst sort. I basely squandered all my wealth in debauchery, and the baneful dice. To think what I gave away to whores! It is my own fault, and nobody else's, that I now live here destitute, dishonored and deprived of my home-land. Moreover, I have branded myself with a mark that I fear may never be removed; not to mention the fact that I have stained my posterity with my notrious infamy and am become a byword among my friends and acquaintances. And then, what about my father, whom I have wronged in so many days? He bestowed on me excellent gifts both of body and of mind, and I have requited him by misusing them shamefully. Where are you, Philautus, my sometime counsellor, now that in my misery I lack both with and wealth? You were the one who taught me to despise my father's ocmmandments and the sacred book of laws he gave me. I must have been mad to listen to you. And then on top of all this there is the unbearable hunger, more savage than death, that I carry about within me, to the great affliction of my belly. It is not to be appeased by husks nor by the filth in which I am wallowing. Still the belly is afflicted, the hunger remains. And what is more, things can only grow worse and worse for me while I stay in this country. I am at my wit's end. Alas! How many hired servants in my father's house have bread enough and to spare, and I meanwhile am perishing here with hunger! If I were there I would do and suffer anything that might release me from this dreadful misfortune. Why, a single one of their loaves would relieve my hunger. Well, well, then what if I should return to my father's house and try to regain my former position? No, I wouldn't date. After all, it was I who banished myself. Yes, but suppose I should try, all the same? It would do no good. I haven't the face to go abck to my father, I haven't the cheek, and I haven't the clothes - naked as I am, virtueless and indecent.

(Exit.) (Exit.)

ACTVS QVINTI SCAENA QVINTA

Act V Scene V

(Enter Pelargus and Eubulus.) (Enter Pelargus and Eubulus.)

Pelargus: Ain tu?

Pelargus: Is it possible?

Eubulus: Sic est.

Eubulus: It is.

Pelargus: Obsecro te, quid audio? Itane tandem famam ptriaque tibi bona, Acolaste, tradidi, ut perflagitia perderes mea virtute partam gloriam? Viam feci facilem et planam ad virtutis culmina; tu fecisti,ut difficilior nepotibus posthac tuis sit, qui libidinem malam virtuti anteposueris. An non aequum fuit, meo ex praescripto vivere te? Philautus hoc tibi adiutor fuit, ut huc corrueres mali. Verissima stat sententia: ubi animus semel cupiditate se devinxerit mala, consilia consequi prorsus consimilia. O me bis miserum patrem tali filio!

Pelargus: God heavens, what is this I hear? O Acolastus, did I finally consent to entrust you with the good name and wealth of your family, only to have you dissipate the honour that had been won by my virtue. I laid out for you a smooth and easy road to virtue's summit; you have contrived that for your descendants it shall hereafter be difficult, because you have preferred evil passions to virtue. I suppose it wasn't convenient for you to live according to my precepts? Philautus encouraged your fall into evil. That saying is most true: 'The mind that once makes itself the slave of sinful passion shapes its course accordingly.' O doubly miserable am I to be the father of such a son!

Eubulus: Pelarge mi, quin mittis has querimonias?

Eubulus: My dear Pelargus, won't you please stop complaining?

Pelargus: Iustas parit querimonias iustus dolor.

Pelargus: True sorrow does not complain without a just cause.

Eubulus: Credo. Sed nunc res poscit et locus monet, ut cogites de restituendo filio pariterque adfectum in eum induas pii patris et re declares ipsa, quanti filium facias: aegrotus non nisi medica manu opus habet.

Eubulus: I admit that. But now the situation demands, and opportunity urges, that you plan how you are going to redeem your son and at the same time how you may clothe him in a father's love and by doing so make plain how much your son means to you. It is a physician's touch that is needed by a sick man.

Pelargus: Habet, si spes sit vitae.

Pelargus: It is, if there is any hope of saving him.

Eubulus: Est multa adhuc in filio.

Eubulus: For your son there is much hope.

(Enter Acolastus at the opposite side of the stage.) (Enter Acolastus at the opposite side of the stage.)

Acolastus: Nullus sum, si non quispiam deus mihi ceu apo mixanis appareat; nam male sibi consciae menti mors ingruit.

Acolastus: It's all up with me, unless some kind of deus ex machina puts in an appearance. For consciousness of my sin is destroying me.

Pelargus: Age, quae ille designavit mala, non iam puto. Quin magis inhoc incumbam, uti honorem inglorio, salutem perdito vitamque mortuo hinc, Eubule, apprecer.

Pelargus: Come, I give no thought now to the evils he has committed. On the contrary, I am more concerned, Eubulus, to bestow honour upon the dishonoured, rescue him who is lost, and bring the dead to life. This is my prayer.

Eubulus: Pol te dignum facis.

Eubulus: Now you are really behavingin a manner that is worthy of you!

Acolastus: Sed illud ecce subito adspiratur mihi, bonum esse patrem, facilem, placabilem, pium. Ut attollam caput, illinc spem mihi veniae adfulgere. Hem, quid si insistam ad patrem meum precatiunculam meditari supplicem? 'Pater, peccavi in caelum et coram te; tuus posthac indignus sum qui dicar filius. Sodes, pater, velut unum e mercennariis tuis me habeas; nihil operae quantumlibet hinc sordidae recusem facere, ut in tuum municipium adscribar.' Quid hoc? Oratio placet. Euge surgam et patris regiam mei recta petam contemptis sordibus; id agam.

Acolastus: How strange! Suddenly I find myself inspired by a belief that my father is benign, generous, forgiving, and affectionate whence there dawns hope of forgiveness, so that I may lift up my head. Hah! Suppose I set about planning some sort of humble appeal to my father? 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. I beseech you, father, entertain me as one of your hired servants. If you do, I will not refuse any sort of work, however base, if only I may be enrolled in your household.' How's that? I think it's a good speech. Bravo! I will arise and straightaway seek my father's court, regardless of my filthy condition. I'll do it.

(To Eubulus.) (To Eubulus.)

Pelargus: Hem, quid? Quid cogitas? Num fata filii?

Pelargus: Look here, what's wrong? What are you thinking about? My son's misfortune?

Eubulus: Quin dicam, quod libenter audias? Tuum videbis hodie filium.

Eubulus: Wouldn't you rather I told you something that will please you? Today you will see your son.

Pelargus: Meumne?

Pelargus: My son?

Eubulus: Ita.

Eubulus: Yes.

Pelargus: Meum, obsecor, filium?

Pelargus: Tell me the truth - my son?

Eubulus: Sic divino.

Eubulus: That is what I predict.

Pelargus: Deos quaeso, ut ne vana sint, quae nuntias. Enim vero cupio ipsum iam videre et adloqui.

Pelargus: I pray God your prediction may not prove false. I long to see him and talk to him at once.

Eubulus: Non esse eum procul a portu nunc arbitror.

Eubulus: I believe he is not far from his harbor now.

Pelargus: Age, visamus, meus si redeat particeps, in quem adfectum vere patrium modo indui, praeteritorum nihil reminiscens amplius.

Pelargus: Come, let us go and see if he is returning - he who is the partner of my estate, whom I have clothed in a father's love, forgetting all that is past.

Acolastus: Quid? Quo molior iter? Ad patremne? Maximum profecto facinus audeo. Nolo. Volo. Ecquo fretus? Nihil referas pedem tamen! Quis ille sibilus? Quo me transversum rapit? Praeter spem inspem erigor mihi instantis boni.

Acolastus: What am I doing? Where am I going? To my father? How can I have the audacity! I won't do it! Yes I will But what assurance have I? NEver mind, you must not turn back! What is it that whispers to me? Without warning it is hurrying me along - whither? Against all reason I am inspired with hope of some imminent blessing.

Pelargus: Quando tandem videbo te, fili? Nihil ne te miseret huius patris?

Pelargus: When will I finally see you, my son? Have you no pity on this father of yours?

Eubulus: Quid tam gemis, Pelarge? Noli te macerare!

Eubulus: Why do you groan so, Pelargus? Stop tormenting yourself!

Pelargus: Eubule mi, quid quaeso est, quod mea commoventur viscera ad istius occursum, quem prospicio procul?

Pelargus: My dear Eubulus, tell me why it is that my bowels are moved by the approach of that man whom I see away in the distance?

Eubulus: Pelarge, filius est.

Eubulus: Pelargus, it is your son.

Pelargus: Est? Certe est; proruam in illius amplexus.

Pelargus: Is it? Of course it is. I shall rush forward to embrace him.

Eubulus: Sum verus.

Eubulus: My words have proved true.

Acolastus: Sed patrem video. Quid porro agam? Adeon ad eum? Scilicet.

Acolastus: But I see my father. What shall I do now? Go to meet him? Of course.

(Goes to Pelargus and kneels.) (Goes to Pelargus and kneels.)

Acolastus: Pater, peccavi in caelum et coram te, neque posthac sum dignus dici filius tuus.

Acolastus: Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.

Pelargus: Hem, mi fili, o fili mi!

Pelargus: Oh my son, my son!

(Attempts to embrace him.) (Attempts to embrace him.)

Acolastus: Au, mi pater, fuge has meas sordes!

Acolastus: No, no, father, don't touch me. I am filthy.

Pelargus: Nihil quicquam offendunt, quia te amo, gnate mi.

Pelargus: I care nothing for that, my son. I love you.

Acolastus: Obsecro, pater.

Acolastus: Please, father.

Pelargus: Donata sunt tibi omnia; bono animo es! Places, nunquam ut magis.

Pelargus: All your sons are forgiven of you. You were never more welcome!

Acolastus: O pietas patris!

Acolastus: O how great is a father's love!

Pelargus: Nunc tollare humo!

Pelargus: Now, rise from the ground.

(Raises him.) (Raises him.)

Acolastus: Hocine est esse patrem? Hocine esse filium?

Acolastus: Is this what it means to be a father? This is what it means to be a son?

(Calling to his servants.) (Calling to his servants.)

Pelargus: Heus, cito proferte stolam primam et induite filium! Deinde anulum date ei in manum, tum calceos pedibus ipsius submittite! Subinde vitulum illum bene saginatum adducite atque item mactate, quo sumptis epulis laetemur et uno omnes imbuamur gaudio, quia hic filius meus iamdudum mortuus erat et revixit, perierat et inventus est. His, his, mi fili, vestibus induere!

Pelargus: Ho, there! Quickly bring forth the best robe and put it on my son! And then put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet! As soon as you've done that bring hither that calf, the one that's been well-fattened, and slaughter it, so that we may feast and mak emerry and be altogether joyful. For this my son just now was dead and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. Here, my son, put on these clothes.

Acolastus: Sed o quid ego nunc te laudem, pater, qui laudibus es omnibus superior! Hoc certo scio: nunquam tam magniice quicquam dicam, tua quin id pietas longe superet. Itan ex inferis et morte ad vitam et gaudia revocasti me? Prae gaudio, ubi sim, nescio. Res nulla potest mihi tanta intervenire iam, ut aegritudinem adferat; tam gaudeo me patrem habere te. Tibi me dedo libens, tibi me totum permitto; tu mihi pater, tu patronus, tu servator, tu -

Acolastus: Oh, but how can I praise you, father, who are beyond all praise? Of this I am sure: No matter how I may glorify you, I will never do justice to your compassion. Have you thus recalled me from hell and death to life and happiness? I am beside myself with joy. Nothing can ever hapepn now to bring me sorrow - such is my happiness at having you for my father. I gladly offer myself to you, to you I surrender myself utterly. You are my father, you are my protector, you are my savior, you -

Pelargus: Gnate mi, exhinc eris mihi multo coniunctissimus, una salute felix convives mihi. Age, age, intro epulatum concedamus!

Pelargus: My son, henceforth you shall be untied with me as no one else is. You shall dwell with me, blessed by this unique salation. Come, come let us go in and feast.

Eubulus: Scilicet.

Eubulus: By all means.

(Exeunt.) (Exeunt.)

PERORATIO

Epilogue

Nolo putes, spectator optime, hic nihil mysterii latere tectum ludicra sub actione.

I would not have you think, most worthy spectators, that this is nothing more than a play. Beneath the surface of the plot there lies hidden a mystery.

Quippe, perdito salus ut parta sit homini, reteximus velut imagine oculis prodita, unde discere facile potes, quae hominis rebellio in deum et contumacia, quam meritam acersat sibi mortem.

For indeed we have revealed to you by means of an image, brought as it were before your eyes, how salvation is procured for fallen man. From it you may readily learn the nature of man's rebellion against God, and of the arrogance for which he richly deserves to die.

Sed ex adverso habes, dei patris sit quanta pietas, qui libenter redditum sibi filium recipit neque exprobrat sua ipsi impius commissa, sed complexibus, sed osculis in filium totus ruit, nihil moratus illius sordes;

But on the other hand, it teaches you how deep is the compassion of the Heavenly Father, who gladly welcomes back his son when the latter is restored; never reproaching the boy for the sins he has committed against his son, yes to kiss him, without the least regard for his filthy condition.

Amor enim haud videt maculam et prompte mali pridem patrati oblivia accipit. Cito qui laeditur, parum amet oportet.

For the love takes no heed of imperfectin and quickly forgets past sins. Love thaht easily takes offence cannot amount to very much.

Iam pater caelestis omnes citra controversiam ut amore vincit, ita et reponit filio suo beneficia summa pro maleficiis summis facitque, ut tota gaudiis domus nunc perstrepat, quae luctuosa dudum erat.

At once the Heavenly Father, whose love beyond question transcends the love of all his creatures, repays his son for the utmost wickedness with the utmost kindness, and causes the noise of celebration to resound through the whole house, which a little while ago was full of sorrow.

Quaeso, vicissitudinem rerum vide!

Just consider, I beseech you, what a change of fortune this is!

Huc gaudiorum omnes quidem vocamini, qui adstatis istic, si modo agnito malo resipiscitis veniaeque spem cum prodigo nepote vobis a patre pollicemini.

We summon all of you who are present here to this same joy, if only you will acknowledge your sins and come to your sensesl and we promise that like the Prodigal Son you will receive your Father's forgiveness.

In hoc adeo Christus parabolam ipse adhibet, ut quam dolemus nos deo adversarios iraeque nasci filios, tam nos iuvet contra, in patris longe optimi quod gratiam redivimus per Spiritus charismata.

Christ himself employed his parable to this end, that the more we grieve at being in conflict with God and born the children of wrath, the more we may rejoice at being restored to our Father's favour through the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Quae si tibi persuasa erunt per nos stais, spectator optime, nihil est, quod amplius sperabis a nobis.

If this lesson has been truly learned, most worthy spectator, we have done all that can be expected of us.

Frui istis gaudiis tibi datur in omnes dies.

It is granted you to partake of that bliss forever.

Plaude et vale!

Clap your hands and farewell!

GULIELMVS FVLLONVUS CANEBAT APVD HAGIENSIS SVOS. ANNO M.D. XXIX

William De Volder presented this comedy to his fellow citizens of the Hague in the year 1529.